Not so good...

...that would describe how I feel right now.

I had my chemo teaching. It very quickly turned in to a counseling session. Tracy is Dr. Hammond's nurse. Well, Tracy introduced me to Mary. Mary is the pharmacist. Literally the moment Mary said "we need to talk about the side effects"...I said "Ok, and this is when I cry" and I cried and Mary called Tracy and the social worker (I think her name is Christa?) in to the office.

They listened, they spoke kind words...it was emotional for me. I was asked if I know anyone who has gone through breast cancer and treatment. This made me cry even harder. I said 'yes, but she didn't make it." They asked her name and I said "Pat Orcutt." They each looked at each other and remembered her. And they spoke of Pat's strength and they told me that Pat's strength is within me now. They asked me what I remember of her and I said "Pat was a fighter" and they all smiled and agreed. Stick with me Pat, I need you.

So they drew three tubes of blood after I met with everyone and then I left. Oh - Dr. Hammond even came in to see me. He is so sweet and kind. He said "You're going to do fine." And I'll take it!

Have I told you all the purple story? Honestly, after I type these I don't go back and read them. Maybe some day, eventually, but not now. I think it's a way to keep denying all of this. Because frankly, until Friday morning at work, I had not fully accepted it.....and there I sat at my desk and I'm looking at the back of Gina's head (my co-worker that I share an office with) and said in my head "I have breast cancer."

ANYWAY - purple. Tommie and I were both accidentally wearing purple on the first visit to Dr. Palladino's office. From there, it became a clothing staple and it began to appear everywhere...the paint on the doctor's offices walls...the shirts the staff wear...it just pops up. And on the day of my second surgery there was none to be found....until as I lay there waiting for the Anesthesiologist I discovered a purple flashlight on one of the shelves across from my room. And then...in recovery....the flashlight was gone from the shelf. Well.....I'm rambling a bit here...but guess what I just found out? Pink ribbons are the universal symbol for breast cancer and breast cancer awareness. Purple ribbons? Well...they are the universal symbol for cancer SURVIVORS. I will be so proud to display a purple ribbon on my truck when chemo is done. Until then...I will proudly display my pink ribbon and hope that more women survive this nasty disease and that more and more purple ribbons pop up all over the world.

Ok, I gotta run. I'm exhausted from that appointment. Thanks for reading.

Doris