A disclaimer first...

...people comment on my blog and call me "a fighter," "an inspiration," and "a strong person."

If a stranger comes upon my blog as a result of their recent diagnosis or that of a friend of loved one, I just want to make sure that they and everyone else knows that this blog is about me. It's about Doris. It's about what Doris is going through. You may not experience the same things. You may have better experiences or worse experiences. So please don't look at me as an expert --- just a woman working through diagnosis to become a proud survivor!

Ok, now that I have said that...I'm hurting. I'm hurting big time. You see, the nerves under my left arm are 'waking up' again. They had just started to from the mastectomy when I went back in for the second surgery. So now they are waking up again. It burns. It aches. It is very, very painful. I thank God it is not a constant pain. Instead it comes in waves of a feeling of incredible stinging and a needles and pins sensation. It is fierce. And then it is gone. I hope this stage passes soon. Two nights ago I was up most of the night because I had "phantom" pain and even "phantom" itch sensations in a breast that no longer exists. I lay in bed for hours staring at the ceiling -- asking a question I ask often --- "Why God? Why me?"

I typed a blog update last night. And at the end, my fingers got too fiesty and I hit a command and deleted it!!! I was so mad!!!

I am incredibly anxious about returning to work. No need to get in to details, except to say that I hope I am met with support and positivity. I am anxious (as I've mentioned before) to enjoy some normalcy before chemo starts. I am hopeful that I am NOT one of the many who are knocked-out from chemo, but instead one of the few who has minimal side effects so that my life is not severely disrupted. Yup - Cancer sucks. And it has been one big inconvenience. But I am learning -- I am learning a lot about myself. What I want. What I need. What is truly important. What I hope to accomplish.

I have twice gone shopping for headscarves to no avail. Is this a sign? Will I be spared hair loss? Nah, just wishful thinking. lol

My son goes back with his dad tomorrow for a few days. All I can think about is sleep. He has kept me so busy and my mind so occupied. He is my inspiration. I draw strength from him. He is a blessing to me.

I guess that's it for this entry. I'm feeling a bit at peace about a few recent events. I am hopeful that my future is bright. I am ready for greatness!

My very best to all of you. And Diane, if you read this -- you are in my thoughts -- you are a wonderful person!

Doris