Is this the dreaded meltdown?

I saw Dr. Marble and her assistant Sue LaFlamme today. They checked out the twins and were really pleased with my progress. They're going to do some laser work to reduce some of the redness where the incision lines are. Had they known in advance that I would not need radiation, they would have been able to remove the tissue expander (temporary implant) in my left breast by now. But now I'll have to wait until after chemo is done to have it removed and the permanent implant put in place. So maybe they can combine that procedure with the nipple reconstruction that I will also require when everything else is done.

Anyway...

I had a good day, I even went bra shopping and was treated like a queen by a complete stranger at JC Penney who helped me find the right size and style. I enjoyed driving around in the sunshine today and listening to my IPod and singing "Sweet Caroline" at the top of my lungs and not caring who saw me.

But now it is that hour where I feel it is too late to call anyone to reach out. My son is asleep and I am in the living room with this damned laptop and the tears are flowing pretty heavily.

Someone from my past reached out to me --- let me know they cared --- and just as quickly as they reached out, they pulled away. I feel like a leper. Maybe it was too much for them to handle, maybe it was not a convenient time, or maybe I made them think too much about their own lives. I had a feeling it was too good to be true, and now....I guess it was.

That which does not kill me makes me stronger. Seems like each time I take a step forward I take three steps back. I can't let this dampen my spirits...I have to accept that "It is what it is" -- whatever that means --- my friend Lisa says it all the time.

I'm going to try to get some sleep. Please remember when you're reading this, that I am just one person and you are many. When someone you know is hurting reach out to them and let them know you care. You never know when you'll ever have the opportunity again. Make each day count. Make each relationship count. Hug your kids. Tell your spouses and family members that you love them.

(I was just re-reading the above paragraph and I am really relieved to be able to tell you that I in fact did take the opportunity to tell that person how I felt about them, and I thank God for that.)

Thanks for reading.
Doris