Questioning things...

I've learned to be appreciative over the past few months. I think I have mentioned in a previous entry that I have been a bit selfish in my life. If you were to say "ok, give me an example".....I'm not really sure I could. Maybe I'm selfish internally...in my thoughts. Because I am not sure I show others that side of me.

I have learned a lot about myself in the past 2 years. It started with the ending of my second marriage. Which actually helped me to realize some things about my first marriage. Then it was facing living on my own and sharing my son on a part time basis and trying to figure out how to financially make ends meet. And now that has led to the possibility of me, at the age of almost 41, having to apply for financial assistance. I find this both insulting and degrading.

There are a lot of things you don't learn until after the fact. Like....no one told me, including my lawyer, that when a couple divorce, the man ends up better off financially and the woman often finds it hard to get by.

Then I move into a dump apartment that I was embarassed to have anyone come to. So...I wouldn't allow anyone over. And then thankfully, another apartment - bigger, better, quieter, more like a home - became available and so I saw some light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, a better place costs more money.

So with every step forward there is at least a step back.

Sometimes....I am overwhelmed in my own thoughts...and that has led me to my next "issue".....my faith. Am I questioning it? I think so. Have I questioned it in the past? Yes. Do I feel guilty for questioning it? Yes. (So I guess I really am Catholic!!!) (Just kidding big guy upstairs!!!)

Anyway, sometimes I find myself wondering "If there really is a God then why _______....?" and I have a hard time finding the answers. In the past I have had this conversation with Beatrice and she always knew what to say. So Bea, feel free to email me on this one.

Here's what all of this comes back to --- am I being punished? Was I so selfish and self-serving in my own thoughts and actions that God is now punishing me by....losing my dad way too young...having 2 failed marriages....sharing my son...losing the best job I ever held because of the sickening ethical violations...suffering migraines...sleep apnea...putting my dog to sleep...Jake's hamster dying...sometimes it feels like too much. I want someone to please help me to understand WHERE God is during all of these events. Is it the faith of others that helped me through the breast cancer diagnosis? To be honest with all of you right now (boy I think I'm in confessional) I have only prayed a handful of times through all of this. But not because I was defying religion...I think more because I wanted to fight this on my own...give myself a little credit for the success of the outcome. Depend on myself and no one else. Is that just me being selfish again?

Boy....things come full circle and yet I still have no answers. And by the way, there are many, many other events which took place in between those which I listed above - like Dan and I sitting on the retaining wall at our house in Rochester, me several months pregnant, and Russell and Beatrice delivering the sad news that Memere had passed away - but the list is just too long. I think I can sum up things best by saying I have suffered a lot of loss.

I heard recently that if you find yourself wishing you could go back to a previous time in your life, it means you have regrets. I have touched on that in a previous entry too -- I definitely have regrets.

So what does this all come down to? Does it all fall back on me? What changes can I make? How can the next 40 years provide less pain and loss and sadness and instead be full of love, happiness, joy and personal fulfillment? Boy, Dr. Stenslie is gonna have a field day with this entry.

I bought a scale on Saturday. Dr. Hammond wants me to keep an eye on my weight. I keep being told that this is NOT the time to try to drop these extra pounds. That I should be eating for healing. Well, I've lost 2 more pounds. I am finding that "eating for healing" is STILL healthier then what I was doing!!!!

And how peculiar is it that I can go from talking about "life" and "God" in one paragraph and then jump to "the scale" in the next breath?

Ok, you're probably tired from reading all of this. As always, I thank you for checking up on me and keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.

Oh, and I know some of you out there may not want to add a comment here, but please do not hesitate to email me: dorislachance@metrocast.net with your thoughts, suggestions, prayers, jokes, funny limericks....whatever :-)

And back to appreciation for a second....in the past I know that I may not have been so sympathetic of those diagnosed with a disease...and ya know what? I've learned now that that is because I could NOT relate to what they were going through. Well...I can relate now. So if you know someone who I may be able to reach out to, please let me know.

Ok - one more thing - I had a phone conversation with my sister Laura tonight for an hour and 20 minutes. Never in my life have I spent that much time on the phone with a sibling - with a friend? absolutely! but not a sibling. Well, the thing is...at some point she became my friend and I'm pretty damned thankful for that.
Always,
Doris

The inevitable.

I thought it was my imagination, but I'm pretty sure now that my hair is thinning out. I can handle this. Just a temporary condition.

Doris

A good day

Well, I did it, I bought a wig. It was way more expensive then I expected, but hopefully insurance will reimburse me for a large chunk.

It's really cute and I think I'll be perfectly confident wearing it. And my son won't laugh at me!!!

Anyway, I have some deep thoughts to share, but right now I need to clear my head of a headache. So I'll write tomorrow :-)

No one to answer to...

It's Friday night and I awoke at 7:45 p.m. to the phone ringing; it was my son calling to say goodnight. I fell asleep somewhere around 6-ish.

So it's been an interesting week. Monday and Tuesday were hell. Wednesday was better. Thursday was really good. Today...the school had a snow day, but I still worked and it was a good day pretty much.

Ya' know if you look at your fingers...palm down...look at your fingers and ya' know the skin between each set of knuckles?...well....my skin in these locations is red and puffy and itchy. This started slowly over the past 2 days and tonight is driving me nutty. Lotions don't seem to relieve it.

Anyway, tonight with no one to answer to, I found it easy to kick back and relax and take a nap. All week I've been in 'go' mode..."go get better"..."go to work"..."go take care of Jake"..."go"...so tonight I think my body is saying "go relax" lol

I love it when people see me or email me and say "No updates to your blog lately - how are you doing?" So I figured I haven't written for a few days and should send an update. My knuckles itch. Seems there was another 'side effect' or 'change' which I wanted to mention but right now whatever it is has escaped me. OH - that's it...nose bleeds. Not little nose bleeds....nose bleeds so bad that I wonder if they're going to ever stop. I see my Oncologist Tuesday so I'll talk to him about these things. When I'm there I assume I will be given the date for my second chemo treatment. Then when that is done, I can say I'm half way finished. Thank God.

Ok, I guess that's it for tonight. If anyone knows what I can do about these itchy knuckles, please, please, please let me know!!

Doris

Out of the mouths of babes....

So I checked my mail tonight with my son and saw that my headscarves had been delivered. We went in the apartment and I headed to the bathroom to try one on. Jake proceeded to start laughing and told me "Mommy you look funny....next time buy a hat." That's my boy!!!

I went back to work today and I'm feeling great. I think everyone's support and good vibes have done me a world of good!!!

Doris

Update

I spent the day in bed in a lot of pain. The Oncologist called in a prescription for Vicodin for me. It is helping me now. I have to modify my diet and drink plenty of fluids and eat things like...broth...soup....crackers....more bland stuff. I just pray I get some rest tonight. I want to thank those who read my blog and then sent emails. I also received a beautiful flower arrangement from my friend Sue J.

Your kindness and caring and support are much appreciated!! I try not to ask for things...it's not my nature...but again I ask that you please say a prayer for me for better, stronger days. And please say a prayer for all others effected by this cruel disease and this nasty treatment. I don't know if I mentioned this in my last entry, but I have a new found respect for cancer patients. Who cares if I lose my hair --- I need to win the fight.

Doris

Not sure I'm strong enough for this.

It is almost 4am on Monday morning. I have been awake since about midnight. My body is in excruciating pain. My heart feels like it will beat out of my chest. I can not get comfortable and can not relieve the discomfort. I thought sitting in the recliner might help, but it is not. This is officially the worst. If I am still like this at 7 I will call the hospital. Can't do this. Can't handle it. It's too much pain. This is so cruel. I never would have imagined anything this bad.

D--

A better day.

Happy Easter everyone! The E.B. was good to Jake and those items have kept him very busy today!!

I am so pleased to say I am feeling better today. The joint/bone pain is nearly gone and my tummy feels ok and the headache is bearly there. I've slept a lot today, thanks to Grammy coming over and hanging out with Jake. And I took a long hot shower which was awesome!

So, I just had to let you all know that it really is a better day.

Doris

Is this hell?

Not a good day. So tired. So much joint and bone pain. I hoped yesterday was the worst, but now today is. I pray tomorrow is better.

Sometimes I'm going to just need to vent, because sitting here crying isn't enough. If you read this, just send me some positive vibes --- I really need them right now.

Sweet dreams.

Exhausted...

..I didn't think it was possible to be MORE tired then when I was pregnant. But I am. I am beyond tired. Last night I just sat and cried because I couldn't go to bed until my son was asleep. I felt completely overwhelmed physically and emotionally. I got a good night's sleep and yet it is early and my body wants even more sleep. My body aches. Yesterday at work I had to sit on my office floor and do some stretches just to try to relieve some of the pain. It has been an interesting road. The headaches will hopefully subside, as I talked to Tracy - Dr. Hammond's nurse - yesterday and she said the anti-neausau drugs can cause headaches. Today is my last day on them. I have not had any real neausau. My appetite is either non-existent or I am ravenous beyond comprehension!!! I have abdominal cramps and pains and I just feel like hell. There - that's it in a nut shell I guess. This too shall pass....I've got the weekend to recuperate a bit before it's back to work on Monday. I hope I'm keeping my complaints to a minimum because I don't want to drive anyone crazy at work. I'm not sure if I'm much of a complainer. lol. Thanks for listening.

Boy I have a lot to say lately...

I got some rest and my appetite is good. I went to the hospital for my Neulasta shot. This shot is to boost my white blood cells. So I guess tomorrow I can expect bone and joint pain and my new best buddy will be Tylenol. Yay. lol It's all good - I just wanna go back to work tomorrow!!!

So I have a little story I have to share...I pulled in to the parking garage at the hospital and another man had pulled in to a handicapped spot a few spaces down. As I began to walk past him at a quicker pace, he said "What do you think the Sox are gonna' do?" I started laughing. Evidently he saw my Red Sox (and Pats!) stickers on my truck. I had just heard before leaving the apartment about the Sox boycotting their Japan trip, so I knew what he was talking about. Anyway, he was a kind elderly man walking slowly with a cane. Suddenly I was not in such a hurry to get inside away from the weather. I slowed my pace and walked along side and we bounced from the Sox to last night's Celtics game. He was telling me about the announcer - Cedric someone - and how that announcer gets into the game so much and makes it so much more enjoyable for this man when he watches the games. Well, this elderly man made my walk in to the hospital in the sleet and wind more enjoyable. He hesitated on the stairs, so I slowed to make sure he was ok. I opened the door for him and he said "It was good chatting with you" and I said "You too, take care" and we went our separate ways. My best to you sweet stranger. You reminded me of the good in the world.

Doris

Did anyone mention the emotional impact?

Here I sit on Wednesday morning. I've called in sick to work - I got little sleep last night, due to the side effects of one of the meds I received yesterday - and a piercing headache in my temples.

Jake has left with the sitter, I've had breakfast, taken my meds and I'm heading back to bed for a few hours.

Chemo has an emotional impact. Sure - I've commented many times about my hair obsession. But ya know what? Food tastes different already. I got a lousey night's sleep, which makes me emotional. I had to call out of work which causes me tremendous guilt (yes, I do have a strong work ethic) and I'm just sitting here with tears pouring down my face. This is scary stuff. I will survive, but gotta share these emotions or I'll go nuts.

Ok, heading to bed. Thanks for listening.

1 down, 3 to go...

I slept pretty well last night. This morning I took a xanax as recommended by Dr. Hammond to relax me before I arrived at the office. After I checked in they took me into a room to get the VAD/port ready and Dr. Hammond did an examination and was very impressed with my surgery results.

Then they walked Tommie and I down to the infusion area. Tommie gave me a hug and left once she knew I was all set. The nurses were sweeties and took great care of me.

The process went something like this: They gave me an Adavan to calm my nerves and then they gave me the pre-meds which took an hour followed by Taxotene which took one hour and Cytoxin which took another hour. I kinda' fell asleep...lol....until a little after 12:30 and I had lunch and fel back to sleep until the treatment was pretty much over.

Right now I'm feeling good. Physically and mentally. I am a little shakey, but otherwise I seem ok. Tomorrow I get a booster shot for my white bloods cells to try to keep them at a good level.

I am now 1/4 of the way through treatment. YAY ME!!!!!!! And my mom was given a website for me from my son's kindergarten teacher for headscarves. The site was awesome and I ordered 4 scarves which should 'cover' (lol) my varying moods. The site is www.headcovers.com. Great selection, reasonably priced. I can do this! Being bald is the sign of a fighter!!! NOT a VICTIM!!!

Ok people, early to bed tonight. Keep the prayers and good thoughts coming. I love you all and appreciate everything you've done for me!

Doris

Not so good...

...that would describe how I feel right now.

I had my chemo teaching. It very quickly turned in to a counseling session. Tracy is Dr. Hammond's nurse. Well, Tracy introduced me to Mary. Mary is the pharmacist. Literally the moment Mary said "we need to talk about the side effects"...I said "Ok, and this is when I cry" and I cried and Mary called Tracy and the social worker (I think her name is Christa?) in to the office.

They listened, they spoke kind words...it was emotional for me. I was asked if I know anyone who has gone through breast cancer and treatment. This made me cry even harder. I said 'yes, but she didn't make it." They asked her name and I said "Pat Orcutt." They each looked at each other and remembered her. And they spoke of Pat's strength and they told me that Pat's strength is within me now. They asked me what I remember of her and I said "Pat was a fighter" and they all smiled and agreed. Stick with me Pat, I need you.

So they drew three tubes of blood after I met with everyone and then I left. Oh - Dr. Hammond even came in to see me. He is so sweet and kind. He said "You're going to do fine." And I'll take it!

Have I told you all the purple story? Honestly, after I type these I don't go back and read them. Maybe some day, eventually, but not now. I think it's a way to keep denying all of this. Because frankly, until Friday morning at work, I had not fully accepted it.....and there I sat at my desk and I'm looking at the back of Gina's head (my co-worker that I share an office with) and said in my head "I have breast cancer."

ANYWAY - purple. Tommie and I were both accidentally wearing purple on the first visit to Dr. Palladino's office. From there, it became a clothing staple and it began to appear everywhere...the paint on the doctor's offices walls...the shirts the staff wear...it just pops up. And on the day of my second surgery there was none to be found....until as I lay there waiting for the Anesthesiologist I discovered a purple flashlight on one of the shelves across from my room. And then...in recovery....the flashlight was gone from the shelf. Well.....I'm rambling a bit here...but guess what I just found out? Pink ribbons are the universal symbol for breast cancer and breast cancer awareness. Purple ribbons? Well...they are the universal symbol for cancer SURVIVORS. I will be so proud to display a purple ribbon on my truck when chemo is done. Until then...I will proudly display my pink ribbon and hope that more women survive this nasty disease and that more and more purple ribbons pop up all over the world.

Ok, I gotta run. I'm exhausted from that appointment. Thanks for reading.

Doris

A very good day...

I must say that at about 5 this morning I found myself contemplating...much. But the day was a very good day. Jake took a bath, we went to the movies, we did some shopping. My niece joined us. It was a very good day.

Jake is out like a light and I need to head to bed as well.

Under my left arm; the clavicle area of my left side and the port all seem a little....I don't know....achey? I can't really say I'm in "pain" but there is a little discomfort that I am basically just trying to ignore and get past.

Monday is my 'teaching' and then Tuesday will be my first chemo treatment. Thankfully a co-worker who is also undergoing treatments stopped in to my office on Thursday and he was informative, supportive, and helpful. I felt re-assured that I will get through this next process and be able to move on past it.

During our shopping this afternoon I picked up two books at Barnes & Noble. One is "There's no place like hope" and the other is "Any day with hair is a good hair day." I'm tired of the 'self help' section.....what was I thinking all those years I'd head straight to that aisle? There are NO answers in self help books. All you are doing is reading what someone else has been through and how they succeeded and how they have moved on and it just reminds you that you are not 'well' whether it is physically or emotionally and I think in some cases it makes you feel worse about yourself and only postpones the fact that you need to contact a professional and get your head, heart and health straightened out. If the answers to all of our problems were in these books.....we wouldn't have any problems. You see (boy I'm on a roll now) I kept going to Stroudwater Books back in the 90's and buying all these 'warm and fuzzy' self help books....but the answers were not there. The answers were with a medical doctor, a psychologist and friends. I have suffered from varying levels of depression since on or about 1995. I actually feel more confident that I will beat cancer then I will depression. A fascinating realization.

I saw my psychologist the other night. It was a positive, reassuring meeting. I don't feel 'crazy' when I speak with him. I feel I am human, with human emotions and that what I am going through would be hard for just about anyone to handle. Wow....I'm human.

I have told 2 friends of mine how much I wish I had a man to share this journey with. A friend, a lover, a caring person who could give me reassurance in the middle of the night when I wake up and can't fall back to sleep because I start thinking "what if?" But now, because of this experience and because I have been able to face this on my own, I think I value myself more. As a mom, as a woman, as a friend...I think I've finally realized I'm worth something. And some day if I meet someone...they will be very special and they will be worthy. Oh - and I definitely have a new found love, respect and admiration for the people I am proud to call my friends. They have all been there for me and I know they will continue to be there for me. It's funny but my friend Kim told me yesterday that she 'forgets' what I have/am going through, because I'm doing so well. I thought that was the coolest thing anyone could have said! Thanks Kim!

I had a conversation with a female co-worker on Friday that really opened my eyes to something. The gift I have been given. Yes, I was diagnosed with cancer, but the gift I have been given is that it was caught so early and I in essence have been given the gift of continued life. I've been given the chance to improve upon things...to appreciate things...to share my story and hopefully help others. So....am I falling in to the 'self help' writer's category instead of reader???? I don't know. Funny how things come full circle.

Another thought....the 'black cloud' that's been over my head....chemo. I think as I get closer to the first treatment I am learning to accept that it is but another step in this journey. Hair grows back. Sure...I'm not so happy that the last step in beating this is the one that will announce to the world "she's sick!!!!" because my hair is going to fally out. But I'm reassured on a regular basis that "Doris - hair grows back." Ahhhh words from the wise ;-)

Notice tonight's blog contains several references to "reassurance"...I've received a lot of it lately. It is another blessing.

Ok, I need to get some sleep.

Sweet dreams,
Doris

Checking in...

Well my first week back to work has really been great. I have received such a warm and supportive welcome from everyone. It's so cool! I even have a 'mystery' gift giver who keeps leaving things for me in my office, in my in box and in my mailbox. Each gift is wrapped in yellow tissue paper. And each gift is based on a Sunflower theme!!!! They have all brought an incredible feeling of appreciation and a huge smile!

My appetite is back. Each day this week it has become a bit more ravenous. I guess that's a good sign for now.

I also had a great talk with a co-worker today who is also going through chemo treatments. His suggestions and information were really helpful.

I'm tired at the end of the day, so I go to bed early, but that is really the only change I can speak of.

Thanks again to everyone your support.

My best to you,
Doris

My cup runneth over.

These words encompass my day. I am virtually speechless of the incredibly warm, positive, kind reception I received at work today.

For all the women at work today who wore their "Mrs. Diamond Sunflower Original" pins, I just want to thank you so much. I admit, I was a little slow to realize that so many of you were wearing them, and then when it clicked I was just overcome with a feeling of gratefulness - like I've never felt before. I felt a solidarity - I felt cared for. I felt needed. I felt missed....all I can say again and again and again is THANK YOU!

I'm getting ready to head to bed early and as always will say a prayer for my RHS co-workers and sleep well knowing you are among the blessings I count every day.

Sleep well, I know I will.
Doris

A disclaimer first...

...people comment on my blog and call me "a fighter," "an inspiration," and "a strong person."

If a stranger comes upon my blog as a result of their recent diagnosis or that of a friend of loved one, I just want to make sure that they and everyone else knows that this blog is about me. It's about Doris. It's about what Doris is going through. You may not experience the same things. You may have better experiences or worse experiences. So please don't look at me as an expert --- just a woman working through diagnosis to become a proud survivor!

Ok, now that I have said that...I'm hurting. I'm hurting big time. You see, the nerves under my left arm are 'waking up' again. They had just started to from the mastectomy when I went back in for the second surgery. So now they are waking up again. It burns. It aches. It is very, very painful. I thank God it is not a constant pain. Instead it comes in waves of a feeling of incredible stinging and a needles and pins sensation. It is fierce. And then it is gone. I hope this stage passes soon. Two nights ago I was up most of the night because I had "phantom" pain and even "phantom" itch sensations in a breast that no longer exists. I lay in bed for hours staring at the ceiling -- asking a question I ask often --- "Why God? Why me?"

I typed a blog update last night. And at the end, my fingers got too fiesty and I hit a command and deleted it!!! I was so mad!!!

I am incredibly anxious about returning to work. No need to get in to details, except to say that I hope I am met with support and positivity. I am anxious (as I've mentioned before) to enjoy some normalcy before chemo starts. I am hopeful that I am NOT one of the many who are knocked-out from chemo, but instead one of the few who has minimal side effects so that my life is not severely disrupted. Yup - Cancer sucks. And it has been one big inconvenience. But I am learning -- I am learning a lot about myself. What I want. What I need. What is truly important. What I hope to accomplish.

I have twice gone shopping for headscarves to no avail. Is this a sign? Will I be spared hair loss? Nah, just wishful thinking. lol

My son goes back with his dad tomorrow for a few days. All I can think about is sleep. He has kept me so busy and my mind so occupied. He is my inspiration. I draw strength from him. He is a blessing to me.

I guess that's it for this entry. I'm feeling a bit at peace about a few recent events. I am hopeful that my future is bright. I am ready for greatness!

My very best to all of you. And Diane, if you read this -- you are in my thoughts -- you are a wonderful person!

Doris

Is this the dreaded meltdown?

I saw Dr. Marble and her assistant Sue LaFlamme today. They checked out the twins and were really pleased with my progress. They're going to do some laser work to reduce some of the redness where the incision lines are. Had they known in advance that I would not need radiation, they would have been able to remove the tissue expander (temporary implant) in my left breast by now. But now I'll have to wait until after chemo is done to have it removed and the permanent implant put in place. So maybe they can combine that procedure with the nipple reconstruction that I will also require when everything else is done.

Anyway...

I had a good day, I even went bra shopping and was treated like a queen by a complete stranger at JC Penney who helped me find the right size and style. I enjoyed driving around in the sunshine today and listening to my IPod and singing "Sweet Caroline" at the top of my lungs and not caring who saw me.

But now it is that hour where I feel it is too late to call anyone to reach out. My son is asleep and I am in the living room with this damned laptop and the tears are flowing pretty heavily.

Someone from my past reached out to me --- let me know they cared --- and just as quickly as they reached out, they pulled away. I feel like a leper. Maybe it was too much for them to handle, maybe it was not a convenient time, or maybe I made them think too much about their own lives. I had a feeling it was too good to be true, and now....I guess it was.

That which does not kill me makes me stronger. Seems like each time I take a step forward I take three steps back. I can't let this dampen my spirits...I have to accept that "It is what it is" -- whatever that means --- my friend Lisa says it all the time.

I'm going to try to get some sleep. Please remember when you're reading this, that I am just one person and you are many. When someone you know is hurting reach out to them and let them know you care. You never know when you'll ever have the opportunity again. Make each day count. Make each relationship count. Hug your kids. Tell your spouses and family members that you love them.

(I was just re-reading the above paragraph and I am really relieved to be able to tell you that I in fact did take the opportunity to tell that person how I felt about them, and I thank God for that.)

Thanks for reading.
Doris

My son rocks!

I have my "lil' man" back home with me for the next several days. Tonight he found the "Mommy and the Polka Dot Boo Boo" book and asked me where it came from and then asked me to read it to him.

So he sat on the arm of the recliner while I read the short story to him. This was the first time losing my hair had come up for discussion. I read the page which said "I'm going to have some treatments to make it disappear (the boo boo) I may take a special medicine that could make me lose my hair." I looked at him and he at me and I said "Will you be ok if mommy looks like daddy for a little while buddy?" and he said with his toothless grin (yes, proud mommy moment here) "It doesn't matter you will still be beautiful." That's my boy!!!

Yeah, we're gonna be ok.

"Good news all around!!!!"

Where do I begin???? Tommie took me to see Linda at Dr. Palladino's office today to have the drain removed. The drainage was down to 20 cc's so they told me to come on in. So, we get there and they remove the drain and then Dr. Palladino pops her head in the door and says "I want this to be the one time that you come into my office with a smile and leave with a smile." This made me happy!

So, here's all the good news (yes, so much so that I have to do a bulleted list!!!)

1. I can shower in 24 hours! Yay!
2. I can drive!
3. I have dissolving stitches under my arm, so no sutures need to be removed!
4. I have 'glue' over the entry areas for the VAD port and that will also dissolve on it's own!
5. I can go back to work!!!
6. I do not need to see Dr. Palladino again until the VAD port needs to be removed after my chemo treatments!!!

I am have 'perma-grin' right now!!!

My continued thanks to all of you for your love and support!!! Doris

I didn't realize...

...until today how much physical strength I have lost. Today I got out for a little while. My mom took me to lunch and then to do a little shopping. I'm completely wiped out. My body is achey and tired and I'm going to go lay down. I've been favoring my left arm a lot and that weakness was very evident today.

Couldn't get the drain out today, so I have to call tomorrow morning after I empty it and report how many cc's and then we'll go from there.

I had Jake here for the weekend so that was really nice.

I guess that's it for now.

Doris