....about my previous post, my smaller chest has resulted in my shirts being longer. lol. I got up in the middle of the night last night and went in to my bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror in my jammies and just giggled. I feel some relief.
And as far as the 'sign' I was seeking from Pat Orcutt? I got it. On Monday morning walking down the hallway toward the elevators at the hospital I looked out the huge windows and there it was....the most beautiful pink sky. And I smiled. And I felt her comfort. And I knew I would be ok.
Yesterday when I was at the Medical Assistant's office getting the dressing changed and the drain removed, I had a quick teary moment and she asked "Have you had your meltdown yet?" and I said "No." And she said "I didn't think so, you're about due for it. When it comes, just let it happen. And it will pass." I think that moment, if I could pre-plan it, will be tomorrow. Tomorrow I finally get to see my little man for a few hours. I have missed him so much but definitely could not take care of him and myself at the same time...wait..I couldn't even take care of myself. lol So I'll get to see my little boy tomorrow. I can not wait.
I am experiencing some tremendous clarity today. I've stopped the pain med's and I'm just using Ibuprofen and I'm feeling good. The jitters from this morning are gone. I've made my own lunch and dinner today (yay me!!!!) and I let my mom have the night off. ;-)
I know I keep going back to this, but I have to, because this is my blog. On the 13th I will see Dr. Palladino and I believe at that time I will find out if I will need follow up treatments in the way of radiation or chemo. And I can be honest and admit that yes, I'm gonna be some kind of pissed of if I lose my hair. Up until a few hours ago, that's ALL I thought about. I went back in to a mode I am a little too good at --- 'selfish' mode. And somehow in the next thought I realized that it will be physically and emotionally draining and I will continue to need support of friends and family and make sure my son knows his mommy is going to be ok. Did I tell you about the book Dr. Palladino gave me? It's called "My mom and the polka dot boo boo" and it's a book of how to explain Breast Cancer to young children. I am able to read the whole book now without crying, so I think I'll be able to read it to him now and show strength for him.
Anyway, I'll never forget that pink sky. It was just breath taking and the feeling of peace which came over me is something I shall never forget. I think....I hope that I will learn to appreciate things....I've lacked in that regard in the past...
Thanks for reading. I'm so glad I have all of you 'with' me on this journey.
My very best to you,
Doris
1 comment:
Doris, how wonderful to see a message (or two) from you. Isn't it amazing how God makes sure that we know we are not alone. No doubt in my mind that it was your friend looking down from heaven that made the sky pink just for you because she knows you needed that.
My friend that I told you about wore wigs when she first lost her hair and it just wasn't her. She finally just came in with her beautiful face and bald head and I have never seen a more beautiful woman. Lucky for you that you are beautiful enough to get away with it to if you do have to have chemo. We will keep praying that you are all set without it though!!
Enjoy your visit with your little one tomorrow, I am sure he is dying to see you too.
Peace to you my friend.
Mary
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