OMG

I used the same title on January 3rd, 2009.......

Nothing changes on New Year's Day...

Here I am...day 2 of a severe migraine. Thought I finally had the ultimate meds to straighten out the issue. Guess not.

I am experiencing severe depression and a genuine disgust toward my weight and physical appearance.

Had a check up with Dr. Hammond a few weeks ago and although there was a a bit of scare, the tests and x-rays were all normal.

So....my insurance is Anthem. If you've seen the news, Exeter Hospital and Anthem are in the midst of a possible separation. I don't know what's going to happen. I can't imagine going to a whole new hospital and having to work with a whole new group of specialists, doctors, and nurses. We'll see.

(heavy sigh)

I need to work on the BED (Binge eating disorder) and get this weight off. I'm so miserable. Even going up a flight of stairs leaves me breathless.

Feels good to vent a little.

Jake and I have been in our new apartment since mid September. He no longer wants to sleep at his dads house since the move. Many possible triggers, so we're working together to help our son get through this.

My family relationships continue to cause me stress and pain. While others cause me great laughter, support and happiness.

That's about it for now.

Happy New Year.

Mentally and Physically Exhausted...

On the 17th I was supposed to get a mammogram. It was told to me that the radiologist had determined it was "not medically necessary" and they said they could still do it, but that insurance may not cover it.

I went straight to Dr. Palladino's office in tears and got a bit snippy with the staff. I admit it. I was angry. And scared. Eventually a woman came out (Office Manager maybe??) who said that 6 month mammograms required until the patient has been cancer free for 5 years after diagnosis. I left. I was a mess.

Somone from Exeter Hospital has been calling my cell phone but I have not returned her call yet. I needed time to regroup first. I'll call her back tomorrow.

In other news.....I am getting physical therapy for my TMJ. This is a result of a recommendation by my dentist. I am looking at 3 treatments a week for at least 8 weeks. There are days I feel a huge difference. There are days my jaw is in a lot of pain.

In addition, I attended my second session with a licensed dietician/nutritionist to work on my binge/compulsive eating disorder.

As most of you know I work at a high school. Teachers and students return this week. It has been a stressful summer of learning more about myself and those around me and how I allow things to affect me. I need to relearn my instincts and trust them again.

Please say a prayer for the McDonald family. John J. McDonald passed away at 10:00 a.m. on Saturday morning.

Also, please say a prayer for my dear friend NOra and the Kelly Family. Nora's mom has been in the hospital and rehab facility and is very frail.

Thank you.

Wow!

I went to bed with no headache. I woke up with no headache. I have no face, head, or jaw pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Physical Therapy is working! I feel the winds of change! Wahooooooooo!!!!!!

Update!

Great news - I will now be getting mammograms and check ups on a regular, annual basis. That's right...I said it!!!! No more every 6 month visits!!! AHHH!!!! I screamed in the exam room after my check up!!! Of course, some how I missed my July 20th mammogram, so I'm going in next week (on the 17th). But the exam went perfectly and Dr. Palladino is confident that next weeks mammogram will be fine.

Ok...so...I know I have said that some experiences over the past couple of years have been "life changing" - for example, seeing a hypnotist to uncover childhood abuse. Watching "Losing it with Jillian Michaels" and seeing my own situation reflected back at me on national television..... Well, this week has been no exception! I have started physical therapy for TMJ. And while it's early in the treatments, I am already feeling better!!!

And this afternoon, I met with Maria Larkin. She is a Licensed/Registered Dietician who specializes in eating disorders. I am a binge eater, or "compulsive eater." For some reason my insurance only covers 3 visits with her, so we are going to work hard and fast on making changes. She is also going to refer me to a therapist who she works with who will help me with my issues.

I'm 43....I finally feel like I'm moving in the right direction. Better late than never right??

Thanks for checking in!!
Doris

Year #2!!!!!

Today I am a 2-year survivor!! Wahoo!!!

Friday I have my six month follow up with Dr. Palladino. I will write with an update after the appointment.

I have started seeing a physical therapist for TMJ. Thanks to my dentist, Dr. Pasternack. The TMJ is the cause of my face, neck and head pain. I will be doing 3 treatments a week for 8 weeks.

Also.....I have crawled out from under the rock of denial and am facing my binge eating problem. I am seeing a specialist on Friday for this as well. Hmmm...Friday is looking busier by the minute......thank God for health insurance.

Thanks to everyone for their love and support :-)

It's been awhile.

August 11th I will be a 2-year Survivor. While there hasn't been much to blog about, I guess that is a good thing.

I will continue to update my blog whenever I have an appointment, mammogram, etc.

I have been asked by a company in Los Angeles to link with them.

Their website is: http://www.infectionwatch.info/


Infection

Please check it out and let me know what you think.

I want to thank all of you for your love, friendship, guidance, strength and support during my diagnosis and treatment. I couldn't have done it without you.

Love,
Doris

6 month check up.

Saw Dr. Hammond and everything went well.

I'm going June 8th to Well-Fit at Synergy in Exeter - it's at the hospital. Synergy is a gym on the hospital campus.

A bit of a reality check - I'm fat. Ok....I knew that....but Dr. Hammond said exercise has been shown to reduce the risk of recurrence of breast cancer.

I'll see if they can set me up with an exercise plan and go from there.

Sorry I don't really write anymore. I think it's time for me to let go of this blog for awhile.

My email: dorislachance@gmail.com

Doris

Happy Easter!

My friend Nora asked me last night if I miss writing. It's been quite some time since I blogged!!!

My weekend has been great!! Went out Friday night Nora and Diane and Saturday night with Nora and had a lot of laughs. I am hoping to be a lot more active this summer. We shall see.

Thanks to facebook I reconnected with an old friend. His name is Jeff and he is currently living in Texas. We are in contact with each other on a daily basis. It's nice. I have no expectations - just enjoying it.

I signed up for Weight Watchers online (yes, again). I'm going to take it one day at a time.

I am boasting because I am proud of how far I have come, but last night I sent an email to Dan invited him, Jenn, Jake and Ethan to our Easter dinner. I know they already have other plans, but it felt good to be able to offer.

Ok time to get dressed and start moving.

Enjoy your day!!!

Baby has arrived.

Ethan Michael Lachance came in to the world at 5:50 tonight. Congratulations to Dan and Jenn. Dan sounded so happy and so excited on the phone. Jake is thrilled and Jenn is doing well.

This stirs up a lot of memories and a lot of emotions. I will always have my memories; good and bad.

I'm going to bed.
Doris

Hello

Just a note to let you know I'm still around. Seems I have so much spinning around in my head and have not been putting it down on paper - or blogging. Work is ok. Anxiety and depression are being controlled with meds.

My weight continues to be a major focus for me. I hate the way I look and feel. Therapy doesn't seem to be helping me to find the answers I seek - even though I don't know what the questions are.

Jake will be a big brother any day now. I pray this is a positive transition for him and that he is not lost in the shuffle. I worry about him all the time. Pray that the choices and decisions I make are always in his best interest. I put him above everything and everyone else.

While I thought that moving in with my sister was a positive step that would help everyone involved, we are clearly not compatible as roommates. Jake and I will be here for 7 more months and as soon as the lease is up we will look for a place to be on our own again.

I really enjoy spending time with my neice Samantha and I feel we have really grown close. We laugh a lot and she is teaching me all about Nascar. She is sucha an amazing person.

In the past 5 months this is my 2nd time alone - just hanging out and relaxing. And it's driving me nuts.

Thanks for checking in on me.
Doris

Phew!

I saw Dr. Palladino and I'm fine :-)

She understood my concerns and told me that she has never seen breast cancer travel in to the throat/neck lymph nodes. She said maybe the clavicle, but not higher. She also said that what I'm dealing with here is related to the mono for sure.

The breast exam went fine and she said everything is looking great.

I have been virtually obsessed with this for over a week - time to breathe and regroup.

Thanks for checking in on me,
Doris

Such is my life.

Dr. Palladino was called in to emergency surgery today so the office called me and cancelled my appointment.

As soon as I got the message, I called back and asked them how quickly I could get in to see her and told them my lymph nodes in my neck/throat are swollen. I started crying and the woman in Central Scheduling started to cry. She said "I am so sorry this happened today - we will get you in as soon as possible." So now I'm scheduled to see Dr. Palladino tomorrow at 2:30.

Is this swelling something residual from strep? Maybe. But I have a bad feeling about it. Then again - I am the eternal pessimist.

Having a glass of wine. Jake is in bed. Gotta Breathe.

p.s.
Please say a prayer for Pat and Ed K. They are having a tough time right now and need God's love and support right now.

Thank you,
Doris

Pensive.

I had a dental appointment yesterday - just a cleaning, but the hygienest checked my neck and throat and hesitated. I said "My lymp nodes are swollen" and she said "Yes...they are." I told her that since October I have been battling Strep, Mono, and Sinusitus. I also told her that I was seeing my Breast Cancer surgeon on Wednesday for a 6 month check up and that I was going to have her check them out.

This is a perfect example of fear. What if I go see Dr. Palladino tomorrow and she checks out the lymph nodes and something is wrong? What if??? Scares the hell out of me.

I internalize all of this stuff now. Which ends up turning in to a high level of stress and anxiety which makes me (quite frankly) a bitch at work. It is not intentional. It just all comes to the surface. Thank God for Xanax.

I feel like I have no one I can share this stuff with. I know that is not true; but I guess I would rather not dredge it all up.

Early to bed. Thanks for checking in. Say a prayer for me.

Doris

All clear!!

The quick update: Mammogram came out great!

Yay!!!!!

High Anxiety

I have my 6 month mammogram this afternoon.

2 years ago this week I was diagnosed.

Work was a bit nuts this week, combined with my high anxiety, it was not a good combination.

I took today off and right now I'm thinking about heading back to bed for a little while.

High anxiety...even panic attacks. Need to get out of the apartment a little this weekend and just live and breathe.

I'll update my blog later with my mammogram results.

Update

1. All my mono symptoms are coming back. I am seeing Dr. Knox at Northeast ENT on Friday afternoon. Frankly, I would be perfectly ok if he said "we're taking out your tonsils next week" - but I know that won't happen;

2. Mom is doing ok. If you read this and you know her, please drop her a card - she is a bit discouraged and can use the lift. Her address is 250 Littleworth Road, Madbury, NH 03823.

3. My brother Morris (Moe) was involved in a freak accident at home last Thursday. It resulted in him breaking 4 bones in his ankle and literally ripping a small bone right out of his foot. He had surgery yesterday and is on heavy pain meds. They had to insert some screws. Ouch.

4. Jake is allergic to Amoxicillin. He was on it for Strep and started getting red bumps all over him. He's doing much better now.

I think that's it for now. Oh - I've regained 10 of the 24lbs I lost on Jenny Craig. So sick of this cycle. When your addiction is to food.....how do you stop it? I don't know.

That's it for now. Thanks for checking in.

Doris

Happy New Year!

Wow so this is my 232nd post. It's New Year's Day and snow is expected.

My mom was admitted to Wentworth Douglas Hospital yesterday. All tests are coming back normal. She's having severe abdominal pain and is on morphine. I just spoke with her at 8a.m. and she sounds tired. There doesn't seem to be any intestinal blockage; her gallbladder is fine; as I said, all tests are coming back normal.

Jake gave me the best New Year's Eve gift last night. He awoke at 12:02 and called me in his room. He said "Has the clock struck midnight?" and I said "As a matter of fact, yes it has." and he gave me a big kiss on the cheek. What a kid!

He is feeling much better - I had to take him to Barrington Urgent Care on Wednesday night - he has strep. Seems to be one thing after another. We'll get by; we always do. Perserverance....yeah...that's it....lol