Rain in January???

What a day. Nasty commute, but got a lot of work done with no students or staff around.

The latest -- my hot flashes are back and they are sooooo bizarre. The majority of them hit me at night when I'm winding down or already in bed. My forehead literally breaks out in a sweat and I am now running my fan in the bedroom all night long!!

Migraines are back and they are severe and painful. BUT - mentally I feel great. I'm feeling better simply by drinking lots of water and eating better (and much less!!) food.

Jake is back home with me tonight - he spent some quality time with his Grammy today. Tonight when I was walking through his room my pant leg caught on the corner of a box and I took a pretty nasty fall and I'm a little sore, but I'll live. Of course Jake was right there saying "Are you Ok? Where does it hurt???" What a kid!!!

Tuesday was a great day -- EVEN with the excruciating migraines --- I went to lunch with my friend Charlotte and two of my co-workers. It really was a nice change of pace and I felt....like a grownup!!! lol!!!

As I sit here and reflect on the past year....I can honestly and proudly say that my co-workers truly rallied around me and have shown unwaivering support. I am blessed to have one or two friends which I have made from each of my past jobs, but this current job has given me.....friends...supporters...comrades...people I know who will also be in my life forever. I am truly blessed.

Charlotte - when you read this - please know that you are ALREADY in the Survivor Sisterhood and I am so proud of you!!! I know the upcoming treatment plan may seem daunting, but you will so quickly be looking back on it (as I am now over my past year)and thinking "where did the time go?"

I love you and I am so very lucky to have you in my life. And if you are reading this -- a family member, a friend, a co-worker....please know that there is something special about you that I was willing to open up and share my blog with you. Expose my heart and feelings.

Thank you - whoever you may be.

Good night.
Doris

In general....

...I am very emotional.

Sometimes...things don't come to mind right away. Sometimes I need to take time to reflect and think about things.

I think (think) I may be emotional because at this time last year I was a single mom facing breast cancer.

Now I am a single mom...making some changes and hoping to improve my quality of life.

I think I'm going to allow myself to feel this emotion...and I'll move on soon.

I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I put in a request for information for the Breast Cancer 3-Day. I'm going to an informational meeting in February. I'll keep you posted.

Doris

Goin' with the flow.

A very small handful of people know that I have been interviewing for an incredible job. On Friday night I found out I did not get it. Maybe it was not meant to be? Maybe something else is coming my way? Maybe...just maybe I am supposed to stay where I am right now. I have much to learn from this experience.

A friend of mine said to me yesterday "I can always tell when Jake is with his dad." He said I am just not myself. I am trying. I really am. Trying to be a person, an individual, not just a mom. Having had my first argument with Jake's dad this week...has caused me some stress and concern. I have much to learn from this experience as well.

I joined Weight Watchers (again) yesterday. I'm going to attend the meetings. The new plan isn't rocket science. I'll keep you posted.

I want to thank those of you who still check on me through this post.

Doris

"I'm very happy with you"...

Those were the words of Dr. Palladino when I saw her tonight for my 1 year follow up exam.

She said everything looks great and she was pleased with my mammogram.

Today....I feel more like a survivor. Maybe because I officially got a clean bill of health - I don't know.

I just RSVP'd to attend an introductory meeting for the Breast Cancer 3-Day event coming up this summer. Can I do it? Whether I think I can or I think I can't....I'm right!

Prayers please? For Ed and Pat Kelvington and for Charlotte Mason and her family.

Thanks,
Doris

Missing out...

...ok people...I'm reading Foster's online and I have a question for all of you: How do you hear about/learn of events going on in the area? Special guests at the museum, or family-oriented events?

Any help would be appreciated. Jake and I are missing out on things.

p.s. Who ordered this snow? And...just HOW MUCH did you order???? ;-)

Doris

"everything looks great"

Yesterday I went to Women's Imaging at Exeter Hospital for my first mammogram since last year's diagnosis.

The technician was concerned at first because they did not have copies of my previous films from Women's Life Imaging in Somersworth, so without a previous film to compare to the new film, they would not be able to give me an accurate comparison. My eyes welled up with tears. All I could think was "Dot, if you didn't have bad luck, you'd have no luck at all." The technician said that because they don't know what my cancer looked like in the previous films, that if something showed up today, there may be a delay in any sort of identification or diagnosis.

Needless to say, they did the mammogram (much easier thanks to the reduction!!!! lol) and after a few minutes the technician came and sat with me in the waiting room and said "The doctor says everything looks great." Tears again. Relief. A blessing. A feeling that I in deed have been given a second chance.

Doris

Ok, I'm back, part II

This blog is helpful to me. I will keep using it :-)

My other friend Sue J. said "baby steps." She was referring to one thing, but I think right now it encompasses EVERYTHING.

Tonight I went grocery shopping. I took my time. I read labels. Baby steps. I bought organic cream for my coffee. Baby steps. I bought Garelick brand milk because they don't use artificial growth hormones on the cows (thanks Nora!!!).

Not sure I've mentioned this, but I am reading a book called "Skinny Bitch" right now and it is a real eye opener. I am learning a great deal about the food we eat...the crap we put in our systems...the unthinkable abuse that farm animals endure. No Shaun don't worry, I'm not a vegan.....yet!!! ;-)

I am opening my eyes to news things...I am LEARNING. This is exciting to me. This makes me happy.

Over a year ago I came up with a mantra - "Doris M. Lachance - Prepare for Greatness!!!" and I think I forgot that for a little while. Today I feel hopeful. Life really is good.

Doris

Ok, ok I'm back.

Oscar said it best "Wake up and smell the coffee!!! You're a survivor!!!"

Let's write off my recent funk as just that....a blue mood which came on under various circumstances and I am willing to acknowledge that right now.

Debbi also made a good point - reminding me that this is MY blog and I can say and do as I please (insert me stomping my foot and yelling "Dammit!!!").

I really screwed up --- I admit that I am one of those people who depends upon my doctor's and dentist offices to call and remind me of my appointments.

Well....no one call me about my January 7th mammogram. I missed it. Can you believe it????? Sometimes my head really is up my ass!

Ok I called and rescheduled for the 16th, so I'm good.

Yet another reason to maintain my home calendar!!!

I need to go grocery shopping and will write again soon ----- nothing changes on New Year's Day unless YOU change. So if things suck.....change them.

Doris

Tired.

Sick and tired.

I think I am officially taking a break from this blog.
I do have a couple of appointments over the next week or so for follow ups, mammogram, etc., and I will update that info.

I was on top of the world most of the weekend. Tonight I have tears in my eyes. It is exhausting being me. I think constantly. I don't just "live" and I can't just "be." Everything comes with a thought...a criticism....I'm sick of it.

Life is not rocket science. Happiness is not rocket science. Do what makes you feel good. Do what makes others feel good. Do the right thing. Be happy for what you have. Don't waste energy being unhappy with what you don't have. And don't waste your future trying to get back something you lost in your past.

Thank you for following me along in this journey. You can always reach me at dorislachance@metrocast.net.

Good night.
Doris

Reality Check

You have got to be just as tired of hearing me complain as I am of doing the complaining.

I'm fat. I'm lazy. I'm a procrastinator. I lack self discipline.

There. I said it. It's out there for all the world to read.

Today I saw my primary care doctor. My weight is back to where it was about a year ago. I went there because I've been having chest pains among other things. EKG was good. My chest muscles, neck muscles and back muscles are in spasm. I've been experiencing some anxiety. My acid reflux is no longer under control with Prilosec so I have to try Nexium. I also was given Flexeril and Naprosyn for the muscle pain.

I'm reading a book right now called "Skinny Bitch." It is an in your face book that is actually very educational.

I am a breast concer survivor ---- I was given a second chance. My lifestyle MUST change if I want to live a long and productive life.

Doris

Focus....

I don't have it. I never have it for very long. Hopefully it will come back.
Doris