Deep thoughts for today.

#1. For the first time since Dan and I split, I am going out with a friend on a night that I have Jake. Of course he is totally fine with it, because he gets to hang out with his cousin. I feel guilty!!!! It's not a date - it's my friend Kim and I venturing out to the Rochester Fair. But still....it's a huge step for me.

#2. I think about...ok..analyze people and relationships. I reflect back on things and take in the things I see around me. I hope they don't mind me mentioning them, but my ex-in laws, Russell and Beatrice are quite a team. I've wondered what it is about them that gives me a sense that there is true love and devotion out there for all of us. Russell and Beatrice have been married for a long time - and they STILL hold hands when walking together. They STILL leave little notes for each other on the kitchen table before/after work. They DO NOT take each other for granted. They TREASURE their moments together and their time on this earth. And...they have a very strong, educated faith. I think people can learn a lot from couples like Russ and Bea.

Thanks for checking in. I'm going to cheat a little on the diet and enjoy some fried dough tonight ;-)

Discouragement

Yes - I know I should be grateful. I should be happy. I should feel....great. Right now I feel like hell. I am so tired. I feel mentally and physically lethargic.

I have not been following my diet since Friday and maybe that is affecting things? I'm not sure. The nurses kept telling me that following my diet right now is the last thing I should be thinking about. I know, I know. I'm 24.4lbs down and I should be proud of what I have accomplished so far, but right now I'm feeling down and discouraged.

I need to breathe. Get back to work tomorrow and get back into my routine. It's just a little funk.

So I've gotta get the apartment packed and I'm at a disadvantage there until the stitches are healed, but Laura wants to start moving stuff on Wednesday. My mom has done a bunch of packing of Jake's room.

Ok - I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm trying to heal; trying to pack; trying to sell Miche Bags and trying to sell Jewels by Park Lane all at once. Can't do it all at once. Need to put some things on the back burner - temporarily. I think I'm finally heading in the right direction, but gotta just put the brakes on and get the short list done and then I can move on.

I'm probably rambling. It all makes sense to me. Sort of.

Recuperating

That's how you spell it right? lol

No pain meds today. Taking it easy....my mom stayed over last night and I think she likes playing care-giver!!! She made me a protein and carb packed dinner and brought too many cookies! The doctor and nurses told me not to focus on my diet/weight loss for a couple of days. Gotta get in the protein for healing.

The incisions are quite painful, but it's all good. I'm told I have a high threshold for pain. Just using ice packs and relaxing.

So the surgery went fine and they removed the 600cc silicone implant and replaced it with a 480cc silicone implant. Although there is some swelling, the left one is now pretty much in proportion with the right. YAY! lol

The nipple is....ok.....very, very, very painful. I'm not one to sugar coat things right? I've been through much worse, so I can deal with it. Applying bacitracin to the area twice a day. Each day will get a little better.

Thanks for checking in on my me.
Doris

Success

Surgery was a little over an hour. I was home by around 3:30.

I will check in over the weekend when I'm a little more alert and add more.

Thanks for checking in on me.

Doris

September 11th

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DlHstQv8C2zQ%26feature%3Dfvw&h=8336bbea8ec29dbe85d547c4c4ad7eb9


I hope you will take 4 1/2 minutes to view this. Today I have avoided - that's right, intentionally avoided - watching any news today. But my neice Sam posted this on her Facebook page and I just watched it.

Those before me know where they were when MLK Jr was killed...or JFK....and Elvis. I know where I was when one space shuttle exploded and where I was when the second shuttle exploded on re-entry. And I know where I was on 9/11/01:

I stayed home from work, exhausted. I was 8 months pregnant with Jake and I was so huge and swollen. I slept late. Got up around 9:30 and thought I was having a nightmare - every channel on the t.v. was covering this "attack"....I sat on the edge of my recliner and just watched footage and cried.

I was scared. Scared for those who didn't survive. Scared for those who could not find their loved ones. Just plain scared. And then....I started questioning myself and wondering why I was bringing an innocent baby into this dysfunctional world. I talked to my mother-in-law Beatrice to try to get some consolation from our faith. But the questions and confusion continued.

One of the most terrifying days of my life. Always remember. Never forget.

Doris

I keep forgetting that I am truly blessed!

I have a job, a dependable vehicle, a roof over my head, food in my refrigerator, an awesome son who is healthy and happy and friends and family who love me!!!

Tonight I told Jacob about our move. I had to explain to him that much like Daddy and I are better parents to him when we are apart, that Laura and Ed have decided they too are better apart. He is excited that we will be living with Laura and that Samantha will hopefully be with us on occasion as well. He is even more thrilled to have a yard that he can play in and won't be falling asleep to the sounds of tractor trailer trucks flying down Route 4!!!

We will both miss my current landlord a great deal. Brian is a great man who has made sure we were safe and happy. He is more than just our landlord; he is our friend. I told Jake that we can still stop in and visit him at anytime. And thanks to email, I will continue to stay in touch with him.

I saw my new psychiatrist today. He is good. He knows his stuff. I think I'll be able to work through a lot of stuff and let things go. Things that suck the life out of me every once in awhile. lol

Ok...let's see....I guess that's it for now. Thanks for checking in on me.
Doris

Life is about change right?

My sister Laura and my brother in law Ed are getting divorced after...boy...about 20 years of marriage.

This time of year brings me down - autumn. My father's favorite season. Dan's favorite season. My favorite season. But maybe not. It seems like autumn is "the end." But I love watching the snow fall. Yes, I'm feeling melancholy today.

I had blood drawn today for my pre-op physical on the 15th. Surgery is the 18th.

Moving into a new place on or about the first of October. Long story which I'll get in to later. Will still be in Barrington, just a new place.

After I have explained everything to Jake and hope that he accepts the changes, I'll update my blog.

Thanks for checking in on me. I know I sound kinda' "flat" today - but honestly it's all good. :-)