Yay Me!!!

Yesterday's check up with Dr. Palladino went great. I got another clean bill of health. Yahoo!!!

Anxiety makes me bitchy.

Tomorrow at 1:35 I have my 6 month exam with Dr. Palladino. Since more time has passed and my first 6 month checkup was perfect, I am a little less stressed about this one. But...as I told my chiropractor tonight....once you've been diagnosed once...it is always in the back of your mind.

Jake asked me tonight how long I would have to keep getting checked and I said "For a long time buddy" and he said "Oh so..until you're like 69?" and I said "yeah, something like that" and I laughed. I told him not to worry about me and that I'm sure I am fine.

Yesterday I got nailed with a severe migraine. I still have lingering pain in my temples and my neck and shoulders are sore. My chiropractor gave me an awesome adjustment so I'm going to grab an ice pack and head to bed to read and relax.

OH!! I have to brag!!! I LOVE doing work searches. And guess what?? So does Jake!! It is a great way for him to practice his reading and tonight he said "mommy word searches are so addicting!!" That's my boy!

Thanks for checking in,
Dori

My purpose or calling?

Volunteering keeps popping in to my head. Not sure how or where. Maybe support for other Breast Cancer patients? I don't know.

If anyone has suggestions, please let me know.

Stayed home from work today with a brutal migraine. Pretty sure it's weather related. Gotta get back to work tomorrow!!

Doris

Success!!!

Inner peace achieved!!!

It's almost 8 p.m. and I'm heading to bed soon. Jake and I had an incredible weekend!!! I got a bit too much sun, so I need to go find the aloe in the fridge!!!

Tomorrow I return to work after what seems like the fastest vacation ever!! I'm looking forward to going back - that is a great feeling in and of itself.

Life is great. Life is really great.

I am blessed

Definitely blessed.

I have my son back with me for the weekend. Thank God. Sometimes I can handle the separation; other times I feel like without him I am unable to function. This is an emotion which has decreased considerably over time, but still creeps in once in awhile.

I just love him so much. Want him to be healthy and happy. Isn't that what all parents want for their children?

Heading to bed. Thanks for checking in.

p.s. Someone sent me an email today and referred to my disappointment in my earlier blog entry. When someone refers to my blog....it warms my heart. Words can not express my appreciation and love for those who still check in on me. Thank you :-) Divorce can never take away the love I have for you.
Doris

p.s.

Another realization - based upon yesterdays entry: I block things out. I have been blocking out experiences all my life. I am assuming this is a survival mechanism. Block it out - it never happened - it can't hurt you if you can't recall it.

Because I blocked out an experience that happened less then a year ago, I let someone back in my life who is not good for me. It is not a healthy relationship. So I learned it again.

Funny, that I protect my son - keep him shielded from the real world. I protect him because I don't want him to experience hurt or pain. I know these things will happen in his life eventually. I guess I think I'm doing him a favor. I don't know.

But yet I do not take the same care for myself. Instead, I open up too soon - too quickly. I need to give myself the same care and consideration that I do my son. He is worth it. I am worth it.

Realizations

When these things come to mind, I'll try to blog them - to give me some peace.

Vacation is not about how much money you spend, where you go or what you do. A vacation is about what you ACHIEVE. Right now...at this moment....I have achieved a great feeling of calm and relaxation. Yeah, it's a good vacation!

On vacation

- it's good to have some time off. Not much to show for it at this point, but I will work on that.

Right now I am feeling defeated and disappointed. Long story, but it shall pass. Gotta stop reaching our to the wrong people. Gotta stop thinking that leopareds change their spots.

When I was young...

...I thought life got easier when we grew up.

Why in God's name was life so difficult when I was young that I would have this impression?

My parents worked full time. Owned a home. Always had at least one truck and one car in the driveway. Did I think this equated to happiness? Easyness? WRONG. Oh to be young again!

I made a mistake tonight that will cause me not to sleep. I got really upset that Jake was not allowed to go on the beach field trip today. Long story short, I'm the one who screwed up. I feel like a fool and I disappointed my son. I broke down crying in the truck and he hugged me and cried too. I think we are both tired.

I will apologize at his daycare again in the morning. But God I feel like an idiot. I need a vacation.

Moving on

I just wanted to quickly check in. Tonight has become a little emotional for me. I'm just tired I guess.

I am on vacation next week - the first time since Jake was a toddler. I'm hoping for some good weather so I can get away for some camping, fresh air and a good book.

Thanks for checking in.