So much to tell....

Hello out there --- I have a lot to share tonight. But first, I want everyone to check out the link to this blog: http://tappanfamilyandfriendstrust.blogspot.com/

Mr. Tappan was my English teacher at Oyster River Middle School. When he took a sabatical, all the students were given the opportunity to approach him and shake his hand and wish him well. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I was the only one - to my knowledge - that Mr. Tappan gave a hug to on that day. When Mr. Tappan returned to teaching, he was my English teacher at Oyster River High School.

Mr. Tappan taught me a great deal. Things that until this very moment I had not realized. Here I am, 41 years old, recognizing the incredible impact that this man - this teacher - had on my life. Mr. Tappan taught me that it's ok to be honest. It's ok to approach subjects that some may consider 'sensitive.' He taught me to appreciate reading. He taught me to....well....express myself. In all seriousness, Mr. Tappan rocks!!! So please visit his blog - he is a man of such great strength and courage. I am so blessed to have had him as a teacher.

Last night I saw my therapist - his name is Dr. Craig Stenslie. He's awesome. He's honest and he helps me to be honest with myself. So last night I literally walked in to his office and sat down and said "I don't really have anything (to discuss) tonight." Well....that lasted all of 15 seconds.

I learned (as usual) more about myself. More about....life. And yet again I learned that I'm not so crazy afterall. In fact....dare I say it?...I'm kinda' normal....

So...in order to get over the sense of 'loss' or 'disappointment' or 'regret' that I have with various aspects of my life, I need to improve upon my current existence and those negative feelings will wash away. Wow - that was pretty deep huh? And if I truly want to lead a healthier lifestyle and put nutrition and exercise in the forefront, then I need to be willing to love myself as is and realize that I am DESERVING of a better way of life.

I'm going to cancel my online Weight Watchers membership. I'm going to do this work on my own. I KNOW what I need to do --- eat less, eat better and get this body moving!!! I deserve better....my son deserves better. What more do I need to say?

I've been hanging out with an old friend whom I used to work with. I'm going to call him "Joey" only because I've never known a "Joey" in my life and it maintains a little privacy. Anyway, Joey and I do stuff together. It's awesome. A drive to the beach, dinner....the simplest things and I feel like a million bucks. We are strictly friends. But it is amazing how a few simple changes and just getting out of the apartment can make you feel like a new person. He is a kind, caring guy and he makes me laugh. What more could I ask for?

Did you know that I'm a procrastinator? Oh yeah....big time....so Craig (Dr. Stenslie) and I talked about that. I wanted to go with the theory that I am just lazy. He wanted to go with the theory that I avoid doing things because there is an emotional route or reason behind it. So guess what??? Yeah he's right. I told him that I wash my dishes but will let the silverware pile up in the sink until I have no spoons left to stir my coffee. Well...I guess (ok, I KNOW) I resent the fact that I am no longer in my 3 bedroom. 2 1/2 bath colonial with a dishwasher that used to take care of the tedious silverware for me and so....I avoid it.

All of the stuff from my storage unit STILL fills my mom's second bedroom and her sun porch. I NEED to weed through the stuff and have a yard sale and post stuff online to sell and minimize the junk and make some money at the same time. Well guess what? Yup....going through that stuff...it has memories attached to it that I sometimes am not strong enough to work through. But after going through the various stages of loss, I am finally at "acceptance" with my divorce. So it's time to get moving and get the stuff cleaned out and let mom have a little wiggle room back in her home!

I realized recently what my job lacks ---- it lacks completion of projects....it lacks 'goals and objectives.' Instead I trudge through (literally) a pile of paperwork everyday only to have more added the next day. There is no feeling of satisfaction for a job well done. There is no feeling of relief when a big project comes to fruition. It is paperwork day in and day out. What can be done about that? I'm not sure. Maybe some thought will come to mind.

The weekend --- did I tell you about the weekend???? CRAZY BUSY!!!! Saturday we headed up to the Fryeburg Fair. It was a long day and Jake and I were both exhausted, as was the rest of my family. Now let me back up for a moment and say that on Friday night I dropped my truck off at the Nissan dealership for a Saturday appointment to get my front passenger side seatbelt un-knotted (I'll explain in a second). So on the way home after the fair, I had to get dropped off at the dealership to pick up my truck. Sunday we headed to the corn maze in Lee (www.nhcornmaze.com) and then to Butternut Farm in Rochester for Apple Picking. I went to work on Monday exhausted from the busy weekend!

So about the seatbelt...a couple weeks ago on a Friday night on our way home Jake decided it might be fun to tie his sleeve of his jacket up in the seatbelt in front of him. When we got to the apartment and I discovered it, I told him we would deal with it later and that was it. Well...we ended up staying in all weekend and on Monday morning when we headed out for daycare, I discovered that the seatbelt fairies never arrived to miraculously untie the knot over the weekend. I tried to untie it. My mom tried to untie it. Jake tried to untie it. I had to cut the sleeve of his jacket in order to get it out of the knotted seatbelt. It was a heavy duty knot. ANYWAY....I was able to make the appointment for Saturday at the dealership to have them either fix it or replace it. They called while we were at the fair to let me know that the seatbelt was "all set." Which led me to believe they got the knot out.

So, we get to the dealership at like 4:10 p.m. so the Service Department was closed. A salesman saw me and asked if he could help and I told him I was there to pick up my truck. We walked over to the cashier station and he pulled out the paperwork and handed me my keys and a receipt and said "You're all set" at which point I looked at the receipt expecting to get hit for an hour of labor or something. And there it was...the most beautiful sight.... the receipt said "N/C" -- which translated means "No Charge"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I looked up at the salesman and said "Oh my God I'm going to cry. You guys take such good care of me!!" How cool is that? VERY COOL!

Ok...and last but not least...Monday night Joey and I went out for dinner. I took a shower before heading out and guess what??!!.....I styled my hair and I got to use hairspray baby!!!!!!!!!!!!! yahoooooooooo!!!!!!! Yup....I officially sort of have a hairstyle again!!!!! Life is good.

Thanks again for checking in. Please keep Ed and Pat Kelvington in your thoughts and prayers.

Doris