Happy Easter!

My friend Nora asked me last night if I miss writing. It's been quite some time since I blogged!!!

My weekend has been great!! Went out Friday night Nora and Diane and Saturday night with Nora and had a lot of laughs. I am hoping to be a lot more active this summer. We shall see.

Thanks to facebook I reconnected with an old friend. His name is Jeff and he is currently living in Texas. We are in contact with each other on a daily basis. It's nice. I have no expectations - just enjoying it.

I signed up for Weight Watchers online (yes, again). I'm going to take it one day at a time.

I am boasting because I am proud of how far I have come, but last night I sent an email to Dan invited him, Jenn, Jake and Ethan to our Easter dinner. I know they already have other plans, but it felt good to be able to offer.

Ok time to get dressed and start moving.

Enjoy your day!!!

Baby has arrived.

Ethan Michael Lachance came in to the world at 5:50 tonight. Congratulations to Dan and Jenn. Dan sounded so happy and so excited on the phone. Jake is thrilled and Jenn is doing well.

This stirs up a lot of memories and a lot of emotions. I will always have my memories; good and bad.

I'm going to bed.
Doris

Hello

Just a note to let you know I'm still around. Seems I have so much spinning around in my head and have not been putting it down on paper - or blogging. Work is ok. Anxiety and depression are being controlled with meds.

My weight continues to be a major focus for me. I hate the way I look and feel. Therapy doesn't seem to be helping me to find the answers I seek - even though I don't know what the questions are.

Jake will be a big brother any day now. I pray this is a positive transition for him and that he is not lost in the shuffle. I worry about him all the time. Pray that the choices and decisions I make are always in his best interest. I put him above everything and everyone else.

While I thought that moving in with my sister was a positive step that would help everyone involved, we are clearly not compatible as roommates. Jake and I will be here for 7 more months and as soon as the lease is up we will look for a place to be on our own again.

I really enjoy spending time with my neice Samantha and I feel we have really grown close. We laugh a lot and she is teaching me all about Nascar. She is sucha an amazing person.

In the past 5 months this is my 2nd time alone - just hanging out and relaxing. And it's driving me nuts.

Thanks for checking in on me.
Doris

Phew!

I saw Dr. Palladino and I'm fine :-)

She understood my concerns and told me that she has never seen breast cancer travel in to the throat/neck lymph nodes. She said maybe the clavicle, but not higher. She also said that what I'm dealing with here is related to the mono for sure.

The breast exam went fine and she said everything is looking great.

I have been virtually obsessed with this for over a week - time to breathe and regroup.

Thanks for checking in on me,
Doris

Such is my life.

Dr. Palladino was called in to emergency surgery today so the office called me and cancelled my appointment.

As soon as I got the message, I called back and asked them how quickly I could get in to see her and told them my lymph nodes in my neck/throat are swollen. I started crying and the woman in Central Scheduling started to cry. She said "I am so sorry this happened today - we will get you in as soon as possible." So now I'm scheduled to see Dr. Palladino tomorrow at 2:30.

Is this swelling something residual from strep? Maybe. But I have a bad feeling about it. Then again - I am the eternal pessimist.

Having a glass of wine. Jake is in bed. Gotta Breathe.

p.s.
Please say a prayer for Pat and Ed K. They are having a tough time right now and need God's love and support right now.

Thank you,
Doris

Pensive.

I had a dental appointment yesterday - just a cleaning, but the hygienest checked my neck and throat and hesitated. I said "My lymp nodes are swollen" and she said "Yes...they are." I told her that since October I have been battling Strep, Mono, and Sinusitus. I also told her that I was seeing my Breast Cancer surgeon on Wednesday for a 6 month check up and that I was going to have her check them out.

This is a perfect example of fear. What if I go see Dr. Palladino tomorrow and she checks out the lymph nodes and something is wrong? What if??? Scares the hell out of me.

I internalize all of this stuff now. Which ends up turning in to a high level of stress and anxiety which makes me (quite frankly) a bitch at work. It is not intentional. It just all comes to the surface. Thank God for Xanax.

I feel like I have no one I can share this stuff with. I know that is not true; but I guess I would rather not dredge it all up.

Early to bed. Thanks for checking in. Say a prayer for me.

Doris

All clear!!

The quick update: Mammogram came out great!

Yay!!!!!