..I'm in some emotional turmoil. Some I can share, and it may help alleviate some of the pain. Some will have to remain in my head.
Work is fine. I mean..as fine as it can be when you work at a high school and graduation is a week and a half away.
Jake is awesome. He always is. He is my little rock.
I've been having flashbacks. Some that go back to childhood. Some just a few years old. Tonight...I remembered Jake's Birthday party....the one where Dan and I were getting divorced. The pain was so fresh. The fear so powerful. But we worked side by side in the house we had built for us and we got through the party and my son had a great time. And then when my in-law family left that day I knew that I may well not see them again for quite some time. I remember hugging my neice Emma and trying not to cry. Knowing that this was goodbye. And then when everyone left, Dan only stayed for a short time. Then he said goodbye to our son and drove down the driveway and I stared at his tail lights and prayed he would turn around and come back to us. He did not.
And.....he's not coming back. And I need to let go.
The pain of a broken heart is never truly forgotten. Sometimes a fleeting memory brings all that pain right back. It is both physical and emotional.
Maybe all this time...ok...all this time I've been waiting for him to come back to us. Time to let him go.
My son is healthy and happy. This is what matters.
I have a lot of work to do on me. I'm going to start a personal 'to do' list.
Signing off for now. Too emotional.
Thanks for checking in.
Doris
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