Wow

I found a hypnotherapist. My first appointment is Saturday. Maybe I can stop talking about changing my life and finally do it.

Please keep Pat and Ed Kelvington in your prayers.
Please keep Dawn Baker in your prayers.

Thanks,
Doris

Another day.

It's already Tuesday night. The week is moving too fast. See....it's vacation week at my school. It's supposed to be a week for me to enjoy the peace and quiet of no teachers and no students. I get to do my own thing. But that's not happening. Too much going on. I guess I shouldn't complain - job security right?? lol

In the blink of an eye it will be time for high school graduation. My niece Samantha will be graduating. Very cool.

I don't really have much to say tonight. Ok....I REALLY want to get hypnotized. For two reasons - one is to try to reach deep down in my subconscious and figure out what happened to me as a kid. Secondly (I know - totally different, but possibly connected???) I would like to see if hypnosis could help me with my eating (bingeing) disorder. Ironically enough a new hypnosis office opened in my area. I'm going to call them tomorrow. Who knows right?

Another migraine today. Honestly, I have lost track of how many I have had in the past two months. I'm seeing my PCP on the 30th so it's time to regain control of this situation.

Thanks for checking in.
Doris

Cancer..CANcer...CANCER!!!

This diagnosis has become all too common. It scares the hell out of me. It scares me because I'm a survivor; it could have killed me. It still could kill me. I'm a survivor. I heard those words. Said to ME. Told to ME. It can happen to any one of us. When I hear of another diagnosis, I feel that person's fear. I am reminded of how it felt.

I just don't understand why we are put through such hell.

I'm sorry - I know this is not a positive entry. It's been on my mind. Had to let it go. Thought writing it down might help.

The weekend was phenomenal. Quality time with Jake, my family and my friend Nora.

Right now I have my windows open enjoying the breeze. The neighbors dog is in the back yard barking. He is a lab and sounds exactly likde Brandi when she barked. My friend Kim's dog ran away a month ago. Casey is a 10 year old yellow lab. She's doing all she can to find him but to no avail. I know she and her family are devastated. Hoping he will come home.

Pat Larney once sent me an email at work prior to his passing. It essentially said "Without the bad things in life, we would not be able to truly appreciate the good things." Sometimes....I just wish there weren't any bad things.

Doris

One more thing...

...this time last year I was knee-deep in chemo treatments. My life seemed to be turned upside down. But my friends, co-workers and family stood by me and rallied with me to get where I am today.

The thing is....I keep trying to figure out..."How do you thank people for their gifts?"...."How do you thank people for their emails, cards, phone calls and prayers?" How do you let people know that they were your strength when you had none of your own?

I want to help. I want to contribute. I want to be able to offer support and advice to others who have been diagnosed with or affected by cancer.

If I can help any one in any way - please reach out. And if you know someone who could use support or advice, please give them my contact information.

Words can not express how much you all helped me.

The week from hell...

I'm having a tough week. Migraines are back with a vengance. Neck pain and jaw and ear pain as well. I'm seeing my Primary Care Physician on the 30th - hoping she can help me. I need changes. There are definitely some new/recent changes in bahavior that may be contributing to the migraines:
1. I started drinking Diet Coke again after having "quit" it for.....years;
2. I started using Sweet n' Low again instead of sugar.

Who knows. All I do know is that I am proud of myself for reaching out to people this week and unloading my feelings instead of keeping them bottled up inside. This is a huge step for me.

My co-worker and friend Dawn is in Beth-Israel Hospital in Boston. Please say a prayer for Dawn. She underwent some surgery and has cancer of the pancreas. Dawn is a tough cookie - but even the toughest can't go it alone.

My son has had an incredible week with his daycare buddies. They have taken day trips every day and he comes home exhausted. Ah to be a kid again!!

I'm looking forward to the warmer weather this weekend. We're going to spend some time at Grammies and on Sunday we are going with my friend Nora on a nature walk. Jake is looking forward to the weekend!

My friend Kim's dog ran away. Casey will be gone 4 weeks tomorrow. I feel so sad for her and her family. He is a beautiful yellow lab and no one has found him. I just keep hoping he will someday just reappear and walk up her driveway.

My friend Charlotte had some outpatient reconstruction surgery today. We were able to talk for a little while tonight. She sounds great.

I think that's it for this entry. Thanks for checking in on me :-)

Doris

Easter, etc.

Nora was right - If I don't get these thoughts, feelings and experiences on my blog soon, I will forget them.

Easter morning...Jake is up at 5:45 a.m. and comes in my room and says "Mommy I can't sleep." He tries for all of about 3 minutes to sleep in my bed and then says "Mommy it's time to get up." I begrudgingly crawl out of bed and he says "You go first and you can tell me if the Easter Bunny left me anything ok?" I giggle at this statement and say "Ok buddy, let's go." Needless to say, the Easter Bunny and the Easter Bunny's Mom overdid it a bit. He even said "Woah...I didn't think I'd get much 'cuz I don't think I've been that good." What a kid!!! lol

Our Easter was awesome. My mom came over in the morning and then my whole family got together at my sister's for dinner and an afternoon of games, treasure hunt and quality time. The day was sunny but very windy. We spent a lot of time outside despite the cold temps. We all had a good case of windburn on our faces by the end of the day. Jake has a new found appreciation for moisturizer. lol

I turned 42 last week. April 15th. It was a great day. A great balance between work and home and friends and life in general. During the afternoon I found myself reflecting on things. I may share those thoughts eventually, but right now I'm just going to let them bumble around in my head a little while longer.

A family friend was at our Easter gathering. She and her husband have been an integral part of the Pigeon family for ...wow...for as long as I can remember. She has seen me in many different phases of my life. She made a profound comment during the gathering....it has really stuck with me. She said that this gathering reminded her of our many in the past. But this time we're the old foagies....and boy did that make me think. I mean...damn...she's right. We were now the ones sitting back watching the younger generation run and play and be crazy. We sat back and watched and laughed. But not for long. During "tug-a-war" we participated. And although my back still hurts a week later, at least for that brief moment I felt young again.

Today is Sunday. Yesterday I met a co-worker for breakfast and we had a great time. It was a really nice change of pace. In the afternoon I began "cleaning" - I put this in quotes because...well...it was yet another one of my feable attempts to get my apartment (my life?) in some sort of order.

Today my mom and I traveled to Chichester to Dominick's Restaurant for breakfast. It was yummy and again - a nice change from the ordinary.

So I returned home and have continued the "cleaning" escapade....maybe I'll complete some portion of it and feel a degree of accomplishment - who knows.

Some might read this entry and think I'm depressed. Fear not - I feel great. I mean...as great as I can feel being overweight and having a headache and wanting to take a nap. I have found that because I'm around people all day long, all week long at work, that when I have time to myself, I relish it. No more moping around or feeling sorry for myself when I am alone --- instead I watch a movie that I could not watch when Jake is with me (LOVE scary movies!!) and I read a lot. Plus, when Jake is here my focus is on him, so I tend to let laundry and stuff pile up until I'm alone again. I don't ever want Jake to say "My mommy couldn't play with me this weekend because she was cleaning the apartment."

Anyway I'm thinking that's about it at this point. I have my windows open and the shades pulled apart to enjoy this beautiful day. Not many people online today, so I'm thinking they are enjoying the weather as well!

Thank you for checking in.
Doris