"Nothing changes on New Year's Day"

This statement - a line in a U2 song - never meant much to me. It was just a part of a song. I'm sure that when Bono wrote the song, he was thinking deep thoughts of some war or poverty or something. I've never researched the song....just tap my fingers on the steering wheel along to the beat.



Anyway - I'm looking at those words differently now.



January 1st. New Year's Day. Nothing changes. It's really just another day. Unless you have resolutions and then it becomes a day of dread. People decide that on January 1st they will change their entire lives and in effect everything will be better or greater or....safer....or healthier.

I would love to think that I can sucessfully change my lifestyle to be a healthier, more active person who contributes something to the world. This is not going to happen on New Year's Day. This is going to take time, hard work, focus and determination.

What do I want? I want 2009 to be a good year. That's all. 2008 sucked. 2008 was a tough year. I don't think I could have prevented it. I certainly couldn't have predicted it. But changes need to be made which will result in improvements.

Remember me saying how wiped out I was? Well..no lie...I slept Friday night, Saturday and Saturday night. Only woke up 3 times to have something to eat, otherwise I was sleeping. Crazy. Today I was up a little before 9 and ran some errands and now I'm doing dishes and cleaning (well...I'm blogging actually...but WILL being doing dishes and cleaning!!!)

Thanks for checking in.

I'm completely wiped out!!!

Jake was up at 5:45 this morning.
It was a great day - Santa was good to both of us.
We spent most of the day with my family at my mom's.
Just a great day!
I'm heading to bed. Jake is out like a light. Merry Christmas everyone.
Good night.
Doris

Charlotte update!

Charlotte is doing fantastic and her pathology results came back negative - no cancer in the lymph nodes. YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!

Had to share....

...right now I am looking at (get this!!!) 9 paper plates on the floor - each with a carrot rolled in oatmeal and glitter as well as a napkin for each. That's 9 reindeer we're expecting in the apartment tonight, as well as Jolly Old St. Nick who has a custom-designed paper plate from Jake with 2 fresh sugar cookies and a small glass of milk.

He has made this holiday season very special. I love driving down the road listening to Christmas music and hearing him in the back seat singing along - it brings a smile to my face.

He will have a busy few days at the BCCC next week, including some sledding at Wagon Hill, a movie and I know there is a third thing which is escaping me right now...hmmm.....I"ll think of it. Oh yes - lunch at Milo's Pizzeria which is down the road from BCCC.

I am exhausted. I would say of everything that is my major complaint/concern. I'm tired all the time. When I have Jake I just push through it. When I'm alone, I sleep alot or sit around and do nothing. Well...I'm kinda' tired of the whole "doing nothing" routine as it is really getting me nowhere. So I am in touch with a Nutritionist from my Oncology office to meet and discuss making life changes. I know, I know - I've said it before and you've heard it before. All I can do is try my very best. Something, some plan - will eventually work for me.

Ok that's it for tonight. Thanks again for checking in.

Merry Christmas.
Doris

Merry Christmas

Not much to report today. I'm picking up Jake soon and then we'll make some cookies have a quiet Christmas Eve.

Tomorrow should be a lot of fun - Jake is at a great age for the holidays.

I'm doing ok. I have headaches but not the painful migraines that I was suffering from. I'm seeing my chiropractor to keep my bones moving.

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas.

Doris

Ok so.....

....we just got back from Barrington Urgent Care. Lovely night for a drive....NOT!

Jake's ear was bothering him again. He had an ear infection over Thanksgiving and when he got rechecked a week later the doctor told us it was clearing up and was looking good. Immediately after that he came down with another cold and now he has pressure back in his ear. No infection though, thank God! So he just took his meds and he'll go to bed early.

Charlotte stopped in to work today - she looks fantastic! Everyone was so happy to see her. I'm so proud of you Charlotte!!!

Today was one of those days where I literally had to look at the calendar and see if we were having a full moon. A rollercoaster kind of day.

Looking forward to relaxing with Jake this weekend.

Thanks for checking in.
Doris

Grateful

That's me. Grateful.

I think my recent feeling of 'flat' emotion was caused from anxiety and anticipation because today I saw Dr. Hammond my Oncologist. I had lab work first and then saw him and he did an exam. He said everything looks great and my lab work was great as well.

I'm sure maybe some day these appointments will be not-so-agonizing....but for now each appointment will remind me that I had cancer and that I could get it back at anytime.

Just got the call a few minutes ago - 2 hour delay for school tomorrow. I am so tired - I'm going to bed soon so I can get a good nights sleep.

I miss my roommates - Mom and Beatrice. I guess I got used to having them around. It was nice to have a cat around....jumping up in bed in the middle of the night looking for attention.

I get my Jakey back tomorrow; he is going to hang out with his Grammy tomorrow because there is no school again. Tomorrow night we'll make our Christmas cookies. I'm looking forward to it. It's become a tradition for us and we both really enjoy it.

Grateful.....counting my blessings....the list is endless.

Doris

Ice storm

My emotions are quite flat today.
Thank God my electricity was restored at 4:30 a.m. on Saturday morning.
My mom and her cat have moved in until power is restored in Madbury.
Jake will most likely be coming back here, as his dad's place still has no power and may not for some time.
Sirens.
Lots of sirens.
That's what I am hearing right now.
Ambulances.
Fire trucks.
This storm has been a scary experienced and when I hear the sirens I fear someone is hurt or worse.
Dan just called. Jenn's dad got his power back so now Dan and Jenn are using his generator. This is good news.
I think I'll take a hot shower and try to do some cleaning around here.
My mom and I went to dinner last night and afterwards had to think.....is the food fresh or has it also been sitting in their not so cold refrigerator for 36+ hours? Needless to say we both ended up sick.
Ok - my hands are swollen and I feel like crap. But I thank God I have power and that my family and friends are safe.
Doris

Rain...rain...rain....

It's a messy night out there. I have been watching the D.O.T. trucks as they travel up and down Route 4 to salt/sand the roads.

I had a really good day at work today. Sometimes for me it is the simple things that make me happy. That's how I feel right now as I type = happy.

My friend Lisa who suffered a stroke in August is doing incredibly well. Although I know it is hard for her, she is aware of any limitations that may be posed now, and has truly become her very own rehab specialist!!! I'm so proud of how far she has come. But I will probably always worry now that she is over doing it because she really does have an incredible drive.

Lisa says it's time to start taking care of my mind, body and spirit. I really need to. I know she's right. Life is passing me by and it's time for change.

I am a work in progress. I know it will happen for me. Whatever 'it' is.....

I typed this original blog entry earlier this evening. Now it's after 10pm and I can't sleep.

Good news - I talked to Lee Mason about a half hour ago - Charlotte is in room 542 at Concord Hospital. She's doing really well. She walked a little bit today and is sitting up in a chair. Her appetite is good as well.

So now I want to bounce to another topic. I wonder what you guys think when you read my entries - I know my topics can be pretty random lol.

I listen to a lot of "alternative" music. I like it. And I heard a song a couple of days ago that I have never heard before. It is about the riots of 1992. And it brought me back to that whole catastrophe. I was in the hospital at that time for some severe abdominable pain. I remember laying in the hospital bed watching the t.v. as the attack on Reginald Denny ensued. The news copter kept filming and they showed the attack live on t.v. I have been thinking about that - I can visualize it clear as day - and for some reason...now...I feel so horrible for that man. I can not imagine the absolute terror that was going through that man's mind as he was dragged from his tractor trailer and beaten.

I don't have any idea why this is running through my mind. I almost think that watching it...seeing it happen and not being able to help that innocent victim in any way whatsoever....I think it traumatized me.

Yesterday I had to go to the post office for work. I was in line for about 20 minutes at least. During that time there was a mom in line ahead of me. Her son who is about 5 was basically running around and being unsupervised the entire time while we were waiting in line. This mom did not look around to locate her son. This mom did not seem in any way concerned with where her son was or what he was doing. The Raymond Post Office is a small place. But not too small. I mean....it's a couple weeks before Christmas and it was very busy. People were coming and going and this woman showed no interest whatsoever in where he was. My point is this --- any one of those people could have scooped that boy up and had him in a vehicle and gone and that mom STILL would not have realized it. It took every ounce of self restraint I could muster not to say something to her. What is wrong with this world? Maybe if we just took a little more interest...showed a little more concern for others and for ourselves...treated each other with kindness and appreciated what we have and do not take it for granted....maybe the world could be a little better place. I have no idea where I'm going with this. All I know is that I wish this world would change. It really scares the hell out of me.

Drive carefully tomorrow. Thanks as always for checking in.
Doris

Charlotte Update

I just got a call from Lee, Charlotte's husband. Charlotte went in to surgery at 8:15 and they were finished at about 4:15 this afternoon. Both surgeons said things went very well and that everything looks good. They will get the results of the lymph node tests in a couple of days.

If you are one of my co-workers please share this info with others. Charlotte is at Concord Hospital and they expect her to be there for 4 - 5 days. Whatever follow up treatment that may be required will be determined when the test results return.

I love you Charlotte!!! You're a fighter!!!

p.s.
I want to extend my congratulations to Pat N. who has officially completed her radiation treatments - you go girlfriend!!!!

p.p.s.
Continue to keep Pat and Ed Kelvington in your prayers. Their battle has been a tough one. We are all here for you Pat and Ed!!

Please say a prayer.

My dear friend Charlotte goes in for her surgery tomorrow. Charlotte - if you read this - you are going to do just fine. Good thoughts and prayers will be sent your way!!!

I don't have much to say tonight. I'm exhausted. I went to bed at 7 last night and I'm getting ready to head to bed now. I think it's the Arimidex.

Ok - thanks again for checking in.

A great long weekend!!!

I am sitting here paying my bills online...watching Family Guy...listening to Sally the hamster try to escape her cage (this is a nightly event which is quite amusing to watch) and looking at our beautiful Christmas tree.

The past three days have been awesome. Friday with Kim was so much fun and I think it was the long-overdue bonding time that we needed to strengthen our friendship. The rest of the weekend was spent with Jake and we did a whole lot of nothing and had a fantastic time!!! He is such an amazing kid. He's smart ...intuitive... sensitive..funny....I'm so very proud of him.

My niece Samantha did some work to my laptops tonight --- copying over thousands of pictures that were slowing down my system. She's such a good person and I am so proud of her. It looks like she may be going out of state for college next year - Jake and I will both be lost without her!!!

My mom and my sister Janet visited a couple times this weekend -- on Saturday Janet delivered our new Christmas tree -- a pre-lit artificial tree that is absolutely beautiful!!!. Jake and Janet decorated it together while I pulled out the decorations and my mom sat and watched. It was really, really nice.

Today my sister Laura, her husband Ed and Samantha stopped in to see our tree and then Sam started helping me with the computer issues.

Jake LOVES to have company. We just had a great weekend. I feel so 'at peace' in my heart and mind right now. It is a great feeling.

Thanks for checking in.
Doris

Today was great.

Today I did something fun and different and great. Today I took the day off from work and went Christmas shopping with my oldest and dearest friend Kim. It was so much fun and really helped to get me in the Christmas spirit. We simply had a great day and now I understand why women (and men) have maintained traditions like this. Between the talking and the comparing mom stories and talking about old times.....it was so much fun.

Tomorrow we are getting our Christmas tree - Jake is very excited. We'll decorate the tree and decorate the apartment. It will be another great day.

Now....my body is killing me from today's shopping expedition. The walking seemed to put a lot of stress on my joints and my fingers and toes are puffy. This part sucks. I've been on the Arimidex for about 5 weeks now. The hot flashes are not as severe lately. Hopefully things will start to improve. I am enjoying a level of energy that I have not had in some time.

Thanks for checking in on me :-)