Surgery scheduled.

My (final?!!!!) reconstruction is scheduled for 9/18. I may have to change the date if Dan and Jenn can't take Jake for the weekend, we'll see.

I'm a bit frazzled. Lots of stuff going on in my head. Just gotta work through some stuff.

I'll explain more as I feel comfortable.

Thanks for checking in.
Doris

Have I changed?

I don't know. Am I older...wiser?.....I don't know.

I can tell you that Jake, Dan and Jenn went on vacation to Florida for the week and just got back yesterday. Jake had a great time. I can't wait to see some photos. I also can't wait to go pick him up after work on Wednesday - I have missed him so much!!

Let's see.......what to cover here.....Ok - I am following a weight loss program that has helped me to lose 16lbs in about 5 weeks. Due to the expense of this program, I can't stick with it. However....I have to be prepared to follow a healthy diet and exercise program. I'm running a lot of stuff through my mind...but I need to put the plan in writing and continue the forward momentum. (How ironic....the Weight Watchers program is called "Momentum"...hmmm maybe that's a sign....)

I saw Dr. Marble (my plastic surgeon) and her assistant Sue LaFlamme on Wednesday. I love these women...this offfice. Everyone is so kind. And so full of positive energy. It only took a brief feel-up (LOL!!!!) and discussion to move forward with scheduling my next (final I hope!!) reconstruction. This will consist of removing the existing left implant which is too large in comparison to the right. And construction of a nipple. This is out patient surgery and won't effect my work schedule other then a day or two out. Then once the stitches are healed, they will tattoo the breast and complete the nipple. I am hoping that this procedure will help me to feel more normal - like a woman. I feel like a freak as I am right now. And although of course I know I am not, it is a tough thing to look at in the mirror. The scars have faded....but my body still screams "I had major breast reconstruction!!!!!!" I and I detest that.

I am seeing a new Psychiatrist tomorrow. This man comes very highly recommended and I am eager to meet him. I don't want anyone who reads this to think that "Doris is nutty" because that is not the case. What I have learned is that I have clinical depression which is caused by a chemical imbalance ---- not caused by being fat, getting divorced, anything like that. When I reflect back....I've been depressed since the 80's and it went undetected. For the most part I have learned to control what I can, and let go of what I can not. These are huge steps for me. But I still have times where (when Jake is with his dad and I'm alone) I just don't feel like I have a reason to get out of bed. But again....even this has improved.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and support - not only of me, but of those whom I mention in my blog. My friend Dawn is a survivor!!! Her recent tumor marker was a 7 and she is done with treatments. I'm so proud of you Dawn!!!

Summer is supposedly coming to an end - but this weekends heat and humidity says otherwise. Unlike some of my friends (Lisa, Cindi...) I don't enjoy this weather. I'm looking forward to my favorite season....Fall.

I think that's it for today. Thanks for checking in on me - you are all very special people!!

I'm a survivor.

Today....I am officially a 1 year Breast Cancer Survivor.

Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorah!

wow

Feeling good.
Things are good.
Got the news that I knew was inevitable on Monday. Dan will be a daddy again. This did not rattle me too much, but instead I felt genuine happiness and excitement for them. It is something that I once had in a relationship and I know how great it can be. Jake is thrilled and as long as Dan and I are able to maintain our vested interest in keeping him safe, healthy, and happy, that is all that matters.
Good night.

Yay Me!!!

Yesterday's check up with Dr. Palladino went great. I got another clean bill of health. Yahoo!!!

Anxiety makes me bitchy.

Tomorrow at 1:35 I have my 6 month exam with Dr. Palladino. Since more time has passed and my first 6 month checkup was perfect, I am a little less stressed about this one. But...as I told my chiropractor tonight....once you've been diagnosed once...it is always in the back of your mind.

Jake asked me tonight how long I would have to keep getting checked and I said "For a long time buddy" and he said "Oh so..until you're like 69?" and I said "yeah, something like that" and I laughed. I told him not to worry about me and that I'm sure I am fine.

Yesterday I got nailed with a severe migraine. I still have lingering pain in my temples and my neck and shoulders are sore. My chiropractor gave me an awesome adjustment so I'm going to grab an ice pack and head to bed to read and relax.

OH!! I have to brag!!! I LOVE doing work searches. And guess what?? So does Jake!! It is a great way for him to practice his reading and tonight he said "mommy word searches are so addicting!!" That's my boy!

Thanks for checking in,
Dori

My purpose or calling?

Volunteering keeps popping in to my head. Not sure how or where. Maybe support for other Breast Cancer patients? I don't know.

If anyone has suggestions, please let me know.

Stayed home from work today with a brutal migraine. Pretty sure it's weather related. Gotta get back to work tomorrow!!

Doris