Countdown...

As I reflect on the past 5 months, I realize I have been through a great deal in a very short period of time. And I think I've handled things better then anticipated. And I guess I can say I'm feeling some pride for that. Admittedly however, my upcoming treatment leads me to feel both excited and anxious. I guess because....since January 17th, I have known what is happening next...what the next step would be...where I was headed. After Tuesdays treatment -- my last treatment -- what's next? I know I will begin hormone therapy, but I don't know what that really consists of and I don't know what is after that or with that or along with that. I will find out on Tuesday when I hit them with questions prior to chemo.

I'm so tired. I look forward to snapping out of this.

Doris

Warning - this one is kinda' gross....

Ok, first I have to apologize because evidently "suck" is my new favorite word. And....today sucked.

Work was wicked busy and I LOVE that. But alas I had to leave to make my 1:05 appointment with the Oncology Office.

As usual (they're so efficient) I didn't have to wait long. However, when I got in the lab to have blood drawn, the lab tech couldn't get any blood from my hand. Well....I said "I don't know how you do things...but how about here?" and I pointed at the veins on my wrist (picture your hand palm up). I had some veins that looked good. So, she agreed and said it wouldn't be pleasant and I said "go for it."

Let me back up and say that when she was wiggling the needle around in my hand....I kinda' looked which isn't my nature...and I got lightheaded.

Anyway, sticking the needle in my wrist was...OUCH!..painful. And I tried to regulate my breathing which did not go well. When she was done (and I must say, she was so kind and supportive), I told her I wasn't doing well and she asked questions and I said "yes" the room is spinning and "yes" I'm going to throw up. Which I promptly did. And might I say I've never seen someone grab a garbage pail so fast in my life. Anyway, I believe I blacked out at that point. Once they got me cleaned up and my vitals were ok, they took me back to one of the exam rooms. Well...here's the bad part....Tracy the nurse mistook today's appointment for my 4th chemo treatment and said that THAT is why she asked the tech to take the blood from my hand and not from the stellar vein in the bend of my elbow that is generally used. So once I clarified that with her, she couldn't stop apologizing.

Let's see....then what?...well the Physician's Assistant came in and went over the basic questions with me and Tracy had told me that again my blood counts were great. I showed the P.A. the red area of skin on my chest and she paged Dr. Palladino. They were able to touch base and decided that yes, I have a skin infection and 'vessel' infection from the port and now I'm on antibiotics.

Because I was so exhausted (and was wearing clothing that wreaked of vomit) I headed home, called my mom and asked her to entertain Jake a little while longer so that I could lay down. I took a nap, felt no better, headed to mom's where she had fixed a great dinner for us and then Jake and I played pass outside for a little while before heading home. Now we're home and it's almost his bedtime which will also be my bedtime tonight.

"Cumulative Side Effects"....they're kicking my butt.....so although it is my last treatment next week, I fear how it is going to effect me.

Ok....haven't written about this yet, but I think I can now. I have a co-worker (for her privacy I won't name her) who is now living what has become my biggest fear --- she found a lump last month. About a year after finishing her chemo. She will have to go through another round of treatments. Ok...I guess I'm not ready to talk about this yet. Boy, life has really changed.

Thanks for checking in.
D--

Side effects suck. Sorry, but they do.

Let's see....nose bleeds....dry skin...headaches....tired...tired...tired.

This time they are all sticking around whereas in the past they were gone in about 2 weeks.
Final treatment is next Tuesday. Then I will work to bounce back.

I have a follow up with Dr. Hammond tomorrow to have bloodwork done. I'll have him check out my chest (yes chest, not breasts) because there is a red patch on my skin where the VAD port was beneath it. The area is very warm and the tissue is hard - almost feels as though the catheter is still in there. So of course (knowing my luck) I am assuming there is something wrong.

I am depressed lately. I think the side effects are taking their toll on me. Just anxious to get past this.

Thanks for checking in.
Doris

Update

The VAD port came out yesterday and the worst part of the whole thing was the injection of the local. But the process was relatively quick and Sue LaFlamme, Dr. Marble's Medical Assistant even came to hold my hand which was pretty cool. What an awesome staff!!!

So.....tonight I'm tired....but...it's like the 'normal' tired of a long day. Not the fatigued tired of a chemo patient, so that makes me happy - yes I know it sounds weird.

Thanks for checking in.
Doris

The Reader's Digest Condensed Version.

Tommorow I'm going to Dr. Palladino's office to have my VAD port removed. They suspect an infection, so it's gotta come out.

I'm exhausted....bitchy....can't concentrate...my skin is dry...one treatment left. One treatment left.......(insert clicking of Dorothy's ruby slippers here).....one treatment left......

Doris

Just a quick note

Most of you know that I don't 'mince words' when it comes to my feelings. So I'll tell you right now, that this week has been the most difficult for me since the mastectomy. I am weak, exhausted, sick to my stomach....achey. My forearms are actually sore from just typing this entry.

So, I got Jake to bed and I'm heading to bed myself. My mom has been wonderful and has been keeping Jake occupied for me while I try to rest.

What is worse? The illness....or the treatment? Thank God I only have one left. Thank God.

Doris

Cumulative Side Effects

Hi everyone - I'm not bouncing back as quickly from the third treatment. Very tired and headachey and generally crabby (just ask my mom!).

I am pretty bruised up from the blood draw they had to do from my hand and the chemo which was run through an I.V. in my forearm.

I'm heading to bed. Can't seem to sleep --- day or night. Just exhausted. Please pass some good thoughts my way.

Love,
Doris