Surgery scheduled.

My (final?!!!!) reconstruction is scheduled for 9/18. I may have to change the date if Dan and Jenn can't take Jake for the weekend, we'll see.

I'm a bit frazzled. Lots of stuff going on in my head. Just gotta work through some stuff.

I'll explain more as I feel comfortable.

Thanks for checking in.
Doris

Have I changed?

I don't know. Am I older...wiser?.....I don't know.

I can tell you that Jake, Dan and Jenn went on vacation to Florida for the week and just got back yesterday. Jake had a great time. I can't wait to see some photos. I also can't wait to go pick him up after work on Wednesday - I have missed him so much!!

Let's see.......what to cover here.....Ok - I am following a weight loss program that has helped me to lose 16lbs in about 5 weeks. Due to the expense of this program, I can't stick with it. However....I have to be prepared to follow a healthy diet and exercise program. I'm running a lot of stuff through my mind...but I need to put the plan in writing and continue the forward momentum. (How ironic....the Weight Watchers program is called "Momentum"...hmmm maybe that's a sign....)

I saw Dr. Marble (my plastic surgeon) and her assistant Sue LaFlamme on Wednesday. I love these women...this offfice. Everyone is so kind. And so full of positive energy. It only took a brief feel-up (LOL!!!!) and discussion to move forward with scheduling my next (final I hope!!) reconstruction. This will consist of removing the existing left implant which is too large in comparison to the right. And construction of a nipple. This is out patient surgery and won't effect my work schedule other then a day or two out. Then once the stitches are healed, they will tattoo the breast and complete the nipple. I am hoping that this procedure will help me to feel more normal - like a woman. I feel like a freak as I am right now. And although of course I know I am not, it is a tough thing to look at in the mirror. The scars have faded....but my body still screams "I had major breast reconstruction!!!!!!" I and I detest that.

I am seeing a new Psychiatrist tomorrow. This man comes very highly recommended and I am eager to meet him. I don't want anyone who reads this to think that "Doris is nutty" because that is not the case. What I have learned is that I have clinical depression which is caused by a chemical imbalance ---- not caused by being fat, getting divorced, anything like that. When I reflect back....I've been depressed since the 80's and it went undetected. For the most part I have learned to control what I can, and let go of what I can not. These are huge steps for me. But I still have times where (when Jake is with his dad and I'm alone) I just don't feel like I have a reason to get out of bed. But again....even this has improved.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and support - not only of me, but of those whom I mention in my blog. My friend Dawn is a survivor!!! Her recent tumor marker was a 7 and she is done with treatments. I'm so proud of you Dawn!!!

Summer is supposedly coming to an end - but this weekends heat and humidity says otherwise. Unlike some of my friends (Lisa, Cindi...) I don't enjoy this weather. I'm looking forward to my favorite season....Fall.

I think that's it for today. Thanks for checking in on me - you are all very special people!!

I'm a survivor.

Today....I am officially a 1 year Breast Cancer Survivor.

Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorah!

wow

Feeling good.
Things are good.
Got the news that I knew was inevitable on Monday. Dan will be a daddy again. This did not rattle me too much, but instead I felt genuine happiness and excitement for them. It is something that I once had in a relationship and I know how great it can be. Jake is thrilled and as long as Dan and I are able to maintain our vested interest in keeping him safe, healthy, and happy, that is all that matters.
Good night.